The NGH Report

Well.

How about that night of Idol, huh?

Does anyone else feel really dirty like they just walked in on their elderly aunt in the shower? And then proceeded to get IN the shower and watch her sing to herself in a ridiculously weak voice which lacked confidence while you whispered “Keep goin’” as you lathered the soap over her back, being careful to not touch that weird bump that pops up between her shoulder blades.

Now, I don’t know if these guys are just having the frights or if they are legitimately this poor. I’m hoping it’s the former. I can only pray the girls will step it up tomorrow, and then I can only PLEAD that the guys will realize their folley and come out fighting.

But, on the plus side, I have a lot of stuff to make fun of.

Ryan starts off the show with this little gem, “The best talent yet!” Ryan’s been taking too much heroin this week. He should stop, that junk is stunting his growth.

Hey! It’s the judges! I didn’t know they’d be here! Oh Ryan, what a wonderful surprise! So, let’s begin to- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?  Ohhh, it’s just Randy’s giant wristwatch! I thought somebody had hidden the crown jewels at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks and that Randy “I played with mothaeffin Journey! Respect me!” Jackson was one lucky little boy. Seriously, dawg, too much bling. That thing is the size of Flava Flav’s watch. Ugh.

Paula makes a startling comment that she is the “nice judge”. Not startling because she says she is nice, we all know she is the nice on, but startling because she uses the word “judge” to describe yourself. Oh, silly Paula! No, you’re not! Take another sip of Grandpa’s cough medicine and giggle for me, chica.

 Okay, now that all of that is out of my system, let’s see who did the least crappy out of the crap filled night!

“What the $%#@?!”

12. Paul Kim – Wow. I had hopes for this guy, but I was dead wrong. Singing “Careless Whisper” which is one of those song titles that makes no sense to me outside of the realm of Cheese, Karate Kid Kim (yes, I know it’s racist, but I couldn’t resist the alliteration. You know I speak in jest) performs like a homeless idiot on the side of the road; shoeless, drunk, and violent. Paul sounds like he might have hit no more than two notes during the entire song, jumps to some terrible falsetto attempts, and then finishes. Hell, even his parents look confused sitting in the audience. His father’s eyes pretty much said, “People think he’s talented?” He needs to pick it up if he survives, which I doubt he will. NOT SAFE.

11. Sundance “Gimli” Head - Well. I was dead wrong. This guy is way out of his league. And each week he fails he proceeds to get more and more nervous creating the downfall we have been witnessing recently. Sundance picks a great song, “Knights In White Satin” but manages to suck it up. I’m so confused! We know he has a good voice, we’ve heard it! Oh wow, I just realized Sundance has a certain amount of symmetry; meaning you could turn him upside down and it would still look like a head of hair with a busy goatee. Hilarious. Anyway, you can’t pronounce love as “rove” and hope to get far in this competition. Simon outright says “I didn’t like you tonight.” And then Paula proceeds to feel herself up. Where are we tonight? What’s going on? This guy needs to fight for his life next week if he can. I say he has one last chance. SAFE.

10. Jared Cotter - This man has no personality. He is a deep voice with a quietly appeal. And yet, he seems more robotic than Alan Keyes. Secondly, WHAT IS THE EFFIN SONG? The song is a grocery list! “One! Quit singing this song! Two! God, I hate myself for picking this crap! Three! Someone shoot me please! Four! Repeat steps one through three! The song is called “Back At One”, and I didn’t know it existed. But now that I do, I will not rest until every CD that has this song on it is taken off the market, and a public apology is delivered by the artist. Then we’ll throw fruit at everybody and feel better. Awful. Get off the stage, Jared. The only reason you weren’t at the very bottom was that you were occasionally more on key than the others. NOT SAFE.

9. Rudy “Pee-Wee” Cardenas – Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Now, first things first, is there a tilde over the “n” in his last name? Because the answer to that question boggles me. Tilde? No tilde? Man, I love the word “tilde”. To be fair to Rudy, it made sense choosing a fast song to lead off the night, he had the right idea, yet again, falling in line with tonights theme, picked an awful song for his voice. “Free Ride”. Yes, a free ride home, Rudy. Be careful expanding your voice to your upper range and then not finishing the words. I feel like you’re singing “It’s a Fra Roi, tay ET eeeezzA!” Finish your words. I think you deserve another chance though since you were one of the few to actually take the stage with confidence and belt it out. Besides, I want your friends to come on the show. You know, the King of Cartoons, Reba the Mail Lady, and Captain Carl. I love those guys. I hope you don’t return to your playhouse too soon, Hispanic Pee-Wee. NOT SAFE.

8. Sanjaya “Indie Stevie” Malakar - Does anyone else find it funy that whenever they show clips of him and his sister auditioning together, his sister always looks like she hates Sanjaya. Sanjaya has this constant smile that says, “I love ya, sis!” and she is glaring a quick, “Don’t touch me, I hate you!” right back at him. I’m getting this interesting quiet but confident feeling from Sanjaya as he starts off a waaaaay too subtly version of “Knocks Me Off My Feet” which it certainly doesn’t. Then, all of a sudden, the chorus picks up and saves Sanjaya a little bit in my eyes. He has a good voice, but it sounds so MEEK! He needs to belt when he is supposed to; things are labeled forte for a reason. Well, the song is over and the hesitant 17 year old gets reamed by the judges. Well, Sanjaya will live to sing another day. Hopefully he doesn’t listen to his singer this time and listens to the vocal coaches. SAFE.

7. Brandon Rogers – Dear American Idol, we get it. Brandon was a background singer. Stop telling us. I don’t need to continue hearing the same set-up performance after performance, and I really don’t need to hear the silly sayings like, “You’re in the spotlight now!” or “No more being in the back for you!” Dumb. Woo! Brandon wants to “Rock With You”! I’m jealous! I like Brandon’s voice and the song is pretty well controlled, but it still feels meek and drowned out by the Idol band. Damn Ricky Minor, trying to steal their thunder! The arrangement is weird as well. Brandon can do a lot better than this, so, we’ll hope we see him next week. I have a feeling we will. But, if he comes out one more time with only one half of his shirt tucked in, I will destroy him. In words. Not physically. That guy has some guns. And I don’t mean like BLAM BLAM kind of guns, I mean, jesus, he could rip my head off with his bare hands. Or bear hands. Both ways sound exciting. But if pressed, I guess I would like to see Brandon with bear hands. SAFE.

6. A.J. Tabaldo – I’m going to say one thing about A.J. Well, first off, A.J. Who? Secondly, popped collars are stupid. Stop it. Third, boring performance, not unique, but rather pitch perfect. A.J. played it rather safe, which made him appear slightly better than the majority of the other contestants. I didn’t write much about A.J. because during this point of the show I was curled up, crying, in the fetal position worrying that my favorite show had royally screwed up. Either way, A.J. should be always worrying, considering no one knows who he is, nor do I think they particularly care at this point. A.J. sang “Never Too Much” which is a blatant lie. Anyway, A.J. is NOT SAFE.

5. Nicholas Pedro – Wow. Nick really looks, well, uncomfortable. Gotta love the smokey tone to Nick’s voice though as much as tonight sucked. Unfortunately for The Comeback Kid, by the way, I came up with this first, Ryan, the song just plain didn’t go anywhere. Where Nick could have really scored some points the arrangement failed him. He sang “Now and Forever” which is how long the song felt. Nick DOES have great potential like the judges say and he has a great attitude. So, let’s hope we can see him for another week and give him one more chance. Unfortunately, Nick might be heading home, and this time, he won’t be coming back. NOT SAFE.

4. Chris Richardson – Chris sang “I Don’t Wanna Be” making him the third idol contestant to sing through this number. Unfortunately, I’m starting to really hate the tone of Richardson’s voice. It’s nasally, but, at the same time, he is hitting the notes, it just really doesn’t feel like it. He is trying to be a Timberlake clone a little too much, even if he doesn’t realize it. But, one thing Chris does have going for him, is that he is a great performer. He looked confident, cool, collected, and ready to hit the finals. Let’s just hope that people can hang with that voice of his until then otherwise it’s going to be getting on a lot of peoples nerves. He needs to broaden some of his lower register to really strengthen his position as a contestant. But, Simon is right, the girls will love him. SAFE.

3. Chris Sligh – Chris. I like you. I do. And I realize you were just trying to be funny, but, be very careful. I really think you took a hit as a popular contestant last night with your bicker session with Senor (tilde?) Cowell. You had a rocking song, “Typical”, that was a great example of what you SHOULD pick on your first round, but be careful that it is not TOO obscure otherwise a lot of people won’t remember it enough to vote for you. I think you made some mistakes this week, though were certainly in the top tier of male contestants. So, the judges kind of agreed with me, and then Simon called Ryan “sweetheart” which is my cue to make a snarky joke. But guess what, Chris? I’m better than that, so I’m just going to quietly turn away and be the better man. SAFE.

2. Blake Lewis – So, Blake wants to sing. But, don’t you get it Blake? You are here for amusement! You can’t sing! You make mad beats, oh, still going to try huh? Oh, okay… And, wow, you do sing. Never would have thought. So, Lewis comes out pissed off that Idol only showed him beatboxing (he didn’t seem pissed, but trust me, he was a bit pissed) and then sang Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” and did a rather good job. Very controlled, very interesting, very modern, very different. Job well done. I want to see Blake do something a little bit more uptempo next time. Also, he needs to stop bleaching his hair or there will be nothing left. It was so blond that when the lights started going the reflections sunburned my eyes. Either way, this is a rather easy one to call. SAFE.

1. Phil “Lex Luthor” Stacey – For a second, I had trouble remembering who this guy was because he wasn’t wearing some form of hat. I thought that guy from Rockstar:INXS or Rockstar:Supernova, or Rockstar:Who gives a crap? decided to join American Idol. But, no! It’s Phil! And after a short shakey start, though hardly monsterous, gives one of the only performances that could have stood against some of the guys from last season. His voice was much stronger than the band and he was confident enough to really belt out the notes that SHOULD be belted out. Aww, look at his baby blue eyes! Anyway, the song was great, but what was more impressive was the way he spoke with the judges. Respectful, agreeing, eager to learn. People are going to eat that up. Well done. SAFE.

One thing that struck me as troublesome: the reoccuring theme that America should remember peoples past auditions. How long are we supposed to judge these people on one acapella performance months back? Seriously. This is a new game. Get with it, guys.

Who should go home?

Paul and Sundance

Who will go home?

Paul and Nick

~NGH

Well, we are finally done with all of this auditioning! Now it’s up to us!

But, before we move on next week with the performances and my quasi witty banter, I’d like to take a moment and sit right there so I can tell you how I become the Prince of a town called Bel-Air.

Wait, whoops.

I’d like to take a moment to finally look at all these contestants and size them up since we have FINALLY seen all of them.

Let’s begin; alphabetically!

Alaina Alexander

So, I’ve gone over all of the bits and clips we’ve seen of Alaina… and let’s look at her for a second. As far as the look, she has it. She’s a very attractive young woman. Fantastic. Let’s crown her American Idol! What’s that? How’s her singing? I don’t know. Leave me alone.

Well, to be fair, when I first saw her at auditions I saw a very limited vocal pattern. Her tone had a unique wispy flair to it but where she lacks is the breath control to push more power into her voice. This leads to a very flat, unsupported pattern which has consistently appeared, albeit lightly, throughout the competition. We’ll see how she does when she sings with an accompanient, but I’m concerned about her staying power…

Prediction: Top 16-Top 20

Antonella Barba

Wow. Why even vote? Let’s just turn this show into a wet t-shirt contest and let the girl win it right away. Seriously. If this isn’t an example of eye candy, I don’t know what is. My predictions about Antonella have been right since day one! I said she was “hot” and I stood by that prediction while naysayers told me I was a fool, well, guess what? She’s “hot”… therefore I win. Vocally? Like Alaina before her, Antonella has an interesting aspect to her voice. It sounds very foreign, very different than most pop singers, but she is not well trained. I’m interested to see how the vocal coach at Idol will transform her, because if she can get some serious lessons under her belt, Antonella has a shot at being that really hot girl who finishes 12th place!

Prediction: Top 8 – Top 16

Rudy Cardenas

Rudy is very interesting. He’s a good looking guy with what seems like a winning personality. He takes criticism incredibly well, and when it comes to his voice, well, I would say that Rudy has some of the best control over his vocal gymnastics then most of the other Top 24 contestants. He’s going to be a crowd pleaser, and with a voice as strong and confident as Rudy’s, I can definitely see him going rather far in the competition.

Prediction: Top 5 – Top 16

Jared Cotter

Well, Jared seems to me like a nice enough guy with a nice enough voice, but, nothing else seems to stand out. Which is his big problem. The Top 24 is less about your performance and more about finding a way to define yourself. Last year, Taylor Hicks practically locked up the competition when he performed Levon and really showed America WHO he was. Most people that get out of the semi-final rounds are successful because they have established a fanbase. I’m having trouble seeing Jared making an impression when his personality is calm, cool, and collected.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Melinda Doolittle

Ah, the Animal Doctor. Melinda is in the top tier of the women this year. In fact, after what I’ve seen there are only a handful of people who could stop her from getting into the Top 6. Melinda is a woman with a perfect story. She used to be this little shy back up singer, but now she has beaten all of her doubt and is becoming a star! Seriously. People eat this stuff up. She’s sweet, cute, and is one of the best technical singers this show has. Her problem is going to come down to the unique/original factor. Yes. She’s amazing. But, is this what American wants this year? Maybe.

Prediction: Top 3 – Top 8

Stephanie Edwards

Well, this Edwards girl is interesting. I see her as a potential strong talent. She reminds me of a blend of Latoya and Fantasia as far as appearance goes, but her voice, while a strong talent, doesn’t seem like it’s going to be enough to mobilize a fanbase to get her through the next three weeks. Well, barring a fantastic Latoya London performance. That being said, she really needs to pick a song this week that will make Simon say these words, “I think you are probably one of the strongest voices in this competition”. Because, if she gets any sort of endorsement, she might pull into the finals. Otherwise…

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Gina Glocksen

Gina is going to be around for a while. Here is why… 1. She has colored hair 2. She has flair 3. She stands out 4. She is a success story; FINALLY making it to this point 5. Her voice has “something” when it is singing the right song.

In fact, vocally, Gina really needs to pick smart songs to sing, otherwise her voice sounds lackluster. Glocksen really needs to “get into” her music and come out fighting. She is potentially a front runner with a few great performances and comes into the semi-finals with two seasons worth of exposure and an established fanbase.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 9

Sundance Head

This is a toughie. Sundance had probably one of the top three intial auditions of the competition… then, he gets to Hollywood and falls apart. I’ve heard rumors of nerves, sickness, alien abduction, whatever. The point remains, Idol has taken an initial pimped frontrunner and depimped him, which will make sense towards the end of this article. But, my theory, the knocked him down, because they thought they built him up too early. Watch for him to knock everyone’s socks off this next week a la Bo’s “Whipping Post”. His voice is soulful, passionate, and strong… as long as he watches his behavior and chooses the right choices of song, we’ll see him for a while…

Prediction: American Idol – Top 6

Leslie Hunt

Leslie is another contestant we have only seen rarely, but she DOES in fact come into this competition with a rather large fanbase. They’re quiet, but they do exist. Leslie is a girl who will shine next week. Her voice is almost Janis Joplin like. Now, the key for her is where she falls style wise. I think we are going to see her coming out with a rock edge. I have a feeling she will fight Gina Glocksen for votes. Almost a Constantine vs. Bo showdown. Something tells me that Leslie is the Bo of the group and Gina is more of a “pretender”. No, being a pretender isn’t bad, but one of them might have to back off a shared theme in the semi-finals. Just a feeling…

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 16

Lakisha Jones

Lakisha is almost a mold of three or four past idols. A mix of Hudson, Barrino, and Mandisa. Obviously Lakisha is very talented, but like Mandisa before her, I see her leaving somewhere midway during the finals. Here’s the deal, folks! As much as you might love Lakisha here, she isn’t going to be the Idol. Her voice is simply too much like those before her. If we didn’t crown Hudson or Mandisa, we aren’t going to crown Lakisha. People are craving this whole “unique” over “typical” quality now. Frankly, Lakisha has a type of voice we have heard before. Look for her to sail through the semi-finals until votes get bored and lazy…

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 12

Paul Kim

I think Paul is a much stronger contestant than people realize… His voice is unique while still being commercial; though I personally didn’t see him having much of a grasp on singing acapella. Fortunately for Paul, that part of the show is over. Once we see him take control of the stage and the accompaniment of the song, we are going to see something different. Paul certainly is the anti-Hung. Good for him. But, my worry is that he will fade too quickly due to the inability to really expand his musical tastes during theme nights. He might appear a one trick poney; but, he’s really up in the air.

Prediction: Top 4 – Top 16

Amy Krebs

Well, first off, Amy is one of the few we hadn’t seen AT ALL up until this point. Why not? This girl is bubbly, cute, and very talented. A very strong female contender. She knows who she is, knows how to control her voice, and seems confident as a stage performer. Well, with the little known about Amy, I can really only state what I said earlier. Fanbase, fanbase, fanbase. She won’t last too long if she can’t immediately make an impression next week. She’s got potential to go rather far.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 16

Blake Lewis

Well, I personally think American Idol spent too much time showing Blake beat-boxing and not enough time singing. He HAD to sing to get through. No one likes beat-boxing that much; I mean, to put him in Top 24 because of his beat-boxing skills? No. Something else happened that week that led to this. I think we are going to see Blake come out swinging. After watching all of his footage I think he realizes he needs to prove he has what it takes. One huge thing Blake has going for him is his fanbase. I see it carrying him for at least two bad performances. But, we’ll see, vocally he has potential but has a tendency to hit some notes and then fall sharp…

Prediction: Top 8 – Top 16

Sanjaya Malakar

Every season has one; the young teen boy with a killer smile. Or at least, with an adoring fanbase. Sanjaya, as I have mentioned before, has a sweet voice and a winning personality. He appears real and grateful; this is definitely a Cinderella story for him. We’ve seen a teen heartthrob every season, I don’t see this one as any different. Expect for him to just slip into the Top 12, maybe. His voice is very bright and colorful which makes for a hard sell to a pop crowd wanting a more mature sound, but to his fanbase, well, watch them vote him right into the final rounds.

Prediction: Top 7 – Top 16

Nick Pedro

Nick is a wild card in my book. I think he is the closest Idol will ever get to accepting a “true” crooner. If her makes it to the semi-finals, he will certainly have to rely on what Elliott Yamin did last year. He needs to prove to America that his voice will sell him, and not the lack of “character” that has been pinned on him. Nick is an everyday guy… which is great. He’s real. But, like Elliott, he needs to have an incredible performance in the next three weeks to squeak him into the finals. If he achieves that, he might be able to go rather far…

Prediction: Top 3 – Top 12

Chris Richardson

A very untrained, raw singer. Chris is talented, no doubt, and girls, don’t claw my eyes out when I say this, but, Chris doesn’t have other qualities to counterbalance his lack of experience. He is rather quiet from what we’ve seen; very cool, stone cold even. And when he sings he focuses way too much on the speed of his vocal trills. Watch for him to get called out on this during the first week of semi-finals. If Chris can outsing either Phil or Nick, he has a chance, otherwise, I don’t see him lasting too much longer unless the female vote really propels him forward. He’s a heartthrob! Awww…

Prediction: Top 10 – Top 20

Brandon Rogers

Brandon is probably the best technical singer amongst the guys. He is trained, he is versatile, he is well practiced, and he is ready for a chance. This is a dangerous combination, but he has potential to leave everyone in his dust if he comes out of the gate running. His success will come down to the songs he picks and the strength of his personality in the first few rounds. Once we are familiar with him, things will become much easier with Brandon.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 5

Haley Scarnato

Well, Haley is in the same situation as Antonella… Her voice doesn’t seem strong enough to really warrant entry into the final rounds at this point, and I feel like Antonella will be able to just beat her out due to her constant attention throughout the season already. Haley has a pretty voice, but she is very much outranked by her fellow competitors. I see her falling in the semi-finals.

Prediction: Top 16 – Top 24

Chris Sligh

I really can’t handle having a contestant that is better at making fun of the show than I am, I mean, seriously, first Hasselhoff, and now, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you in for this meeting” He had me rolling. Chris has probably one of the top two strongest fanbases at this point and time and I would be shocked if he didn’t make the finals. His voice is rich, which is the best way to describe it. His performances will be strong due to his experience in the field, but at the same time, watch for a breakout performance early on and let’s see what he get. I see him as one of the best male voices at this time; a lot of you will probably say, “Really?!” Wait… I think you’re going to see something special…

Prediction: American Idol – Top 6

Sabrina Sloan

Sabrina is going to become that poor girl who everyone thought was rather good but never made the finals. Unfortunately, I don’t see much saving her, since we have just been introduced to her talent, and she has a problem with fading into the background. Her voice seems rather affected too, which will cause her to shrink even farther into obscurity with only mediocre comments from the judges.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Jordin Sparks

This girl can sing. No doubt about that. Now, the question comes down to her age… I see her picking some rather big songs, but, can she connect with them? Or will she fall back on some more Disney pickings? Each road could be fatal. People need to be reintroduced to her, and each performance needs to be perfect for her to get into the Top 12. I think many people are predicting an easy entrance into the finals for Jordin, but I believe we will see her just barely squeak in; maybe. I get a big Lisa Tucker vibe from her, though.

Prediction: Top 7 – Top 16

Phil Stacey

Phil Stacey is bald. No, it’s true. I honestly think we haven’t even seen close to the best of Phil, and the semi-finals is going to be a crazy battle between Phil, Paul, and Nick. One of them will make it. But, if Phil does make it, I see him progressing to a nice point in the season. He is also in the Navy, so watch for that angle to be played a little bit more as well. His voice is unique in that it feels effortless, but sometimes this causes him to fall short of some of the marks he sets for himself.

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 16

A.J. Tabaldo

Poor A.J. I keep getting voices in my head telling me “cannon fodder”. Unfortunately, someone has to go, and A.J. is good without being great. He isn’t too unique, nor does he stand out from the pack. He doesn’t even seem like friends with the pack, just a local guy who got close enough to be swept up into the action. I could be wrong, but I don’t see him advancing past the first week.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Nicole Tranquillo

First off, love the name. I see either her or Amy doing well, but not both. Nicole was of course not shown until this last episode, so I see her falling the way most good to great singers do in the semi-finals. Quick, and without a splash. I’d like to be proven wrong, though. I really enjoy her tone.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

So, in conclusion, let me tell what I make of this years group of contestants. Now, I don’t know if everyone is with me here, but I am getting this huge feeling of a very even field. I feel like they picked singers this year opposed to characters. Sure, there are a few oddballs, but there are mainly just young adults sharing the same dream. It feels very Season 1 too me. I’m also not seeing any heavy pimping yet, with maybe an exception for Sundance who seemed to have been FORCED into the Finals based on one audition alone.

But, all in all, I’m excited to see what this season brings. It seems fresh and different.

Out.

~NGH