The NGH Report

Two songs per night! Two songs per night! I'm so effin excited! WOOOOOOOO!!! Magrathea! It's Magrathea!!!!!! Here come the giant blue Olympians with microphones! Hell yes!!!!! It's Tuesday, bitches. It's Tuesday. Get with it.

Tonight! A song from the seventies or eighties and a song from the charts! Hot damn. Tonight is a night where different frontrunners will emerge. Why?

TWO SONGS PER EFFIN NIGHT!!!

That equals less preparation time and more strain on the contestants voice. Instead of picking a song; you pick a set. Now, a set in the music world needs to flow together. It's not good enough just to pick two good songs; the songs need to groove with one another or else you are COMPLETELY disjointed. Performers need to be able to differentiate how much focus each song needs during rehearsal, or else one song will sound GREAT and the other, awful. So, let's separate the professionals from the…uhh…amateurs? Yeah. Amateurs.

So, uggh, I'm tired. Moving into my new apartment this weekend and I'm a little sore. But, big news, this is my new home! THIS NEW BLOG! Comment as much as you like, but keep in mind I am a sarcastic ass and will make fun over you without relent. Which, as some people call it, is "relentlessly". Awesome.

Oh, also. I'm a BIG Superman fan. So, I encourage you to go check out the brand new trailer for the brand new movie. If you're like me you will wet your bed. Rock on.

Now, before I begin. I've been reading the boards like Whitney Houston with a coke habit; and I gotta tell you… sad. I think we need to have a friendly talk about "bias" and playing nice with others. Do we? We do.

"Bias" means you are too sensitive and partial to have an objective eye on performances. But, where does truth lie in opinion?

AT MY BLOG!

Here's an example I see ALL THE TIME: When someone tells me in "their opinion" that dancing makes Taylor Hicks a joke… that is not an honest opinion. That's bias. And stupid. That is ineptitude. Look it up. The world is full of performance styles.

Music is art. Every interpretation. So, in conclusion, ahem… shut the fuck up. Or I will drop kick you and then high kick you in your face. Jerks.

Sorry for the language. But, this blog is UNRATED. *Naked girls run around squealing*

I've been serious; now let's be goofy.

"Let's Separate The Men From The Boys"

 5. Paris Bennett - Umm. Read above. That rant about a "set" of music. Apply it to Ms. Bennett. While Paris has a practically flawless voice, I DO NOT know who she is as a performer. What's she really about? WHO IS SHE?! Paris' taste is so eclectic she makes Weird Al look like a dedicated pop singer. We go from Bette one night to Prince and Mary J? Really? At least with the others I have a sense of what's going to be in their album. Unfortunately, this is Paris' only weakness. But, it's a big one. The voice is there, but the experience lacks. We all know that so let's admit it to ourselves. She can "Kiss" the crown good-bye in my opinion. And, so sad, we will "Be Without You" next Tuesday night. NOT SAFE

4. Elliott Yamin - I'm sorry. I really struggled to put Elliott here. While I believe that both performances were averaged to this spot, I think Katharine's first song was worse than both of his. But, alas, here we are. Rounding out the bottom two. Elliott seemed a little tentative singing "On Broadway". It was a decent choice, but he could have done with a better uptempo to compliment his set. I think he is getting the basic idea of what he SHOULD have done, but unfortunately it didn't quite click tonight. Vocals were spot on. But, let's be honest, everyone at this point in the competition is incredible. But, again, the night is interesting. Because while the first song was "meh" to me, I think Elliott hit a home run, well maybe just a triple, with his second song. Beautiful, composed, confident, and compassionate. Let's hope he isn't jinxed, because I definitely don't want him to go "Home". I don't care if you're just so far from where I am, Elliott, don't come back home. Not yet. NOT SAFE

3. Katharine McPhee – Hey. Katharine on her knees. It IS my dream. First of all… "Against All Odds" = Yuck with a side of gross. EVERYTHING about the performance had a significant yikes factor. (FYI: The "Yikes Factor" is a scientific equation which determines the amount of yikes present in all surrounding spaces in order to create a valued analysis of WHY THE HELL KATHARINE SOUNDED LIKE A DRUNK CHIMPANZEE!!!!?) I blame the key. Wrong key for her. Now, while Katharine certainly had a varied set, we can clearly see she spent a hell of a lot more time on "Blackhorse And A Cherry Tree" which was incredible. The performance was original, the voice was great, there was a point where her rasp and vibratto even matched Chris. Hell, I tried to crank the volume up during it, but I couldn't, because I had stabbed my eyes out earlier in the show watching her tackle Phil Collins. Hey, that sounds like a reality show. TACKLE PHIL COLLINS, TOMORROW ON FOX, 8/7 CENTRAL. Bravo on that performance. It ALMOST made me forget about the other one. Almost. NOT SAFE

2. Chris Daughtry - The next two performers were the ONLY two who handled the jump to two songs a week. While I think Chris shouldn't have "rocked out" twice. It definitely worked, because we as an American Idol audience, know that is who Chris is. So, Chris comes out to sing "Renegade"… and apparently he is a Jedi Knight in his all black combination with a lightsaber hook up attached to his belt. What IS that thing? *shakes head confused* Now, I know a lot of people thought his first song was the better of the two. Here's a shock: I don't. "I Dare You" to tell me that the first song was more vocally challenging. Because I listened to his final selection as was madly impressed. Listen, I used to be in a few hardcore screaming rock bands, and it takes a hell of a lot to do what Chris did for his second song. A SMART modern choice. But, again, while I was floored because of the talent, I think America will take the second song as a punch to the gut because it was that hardcore. Be careful, Chris, the more hardcore you get… the less on-the-fence voters come to you. Try balancing your set a little bit more. Just try it. I dare you. SAFE

1. Taylor Hicks - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love reading the boards and seeing this complaint: Taylor singing "Something" was CHEATING! What a cop out! I actually saw a big Chris supporter saying this and I copied it into my scrapbook and labelled it "IRONY". *COUGH* Higher Ground *COUGH* I Walk The Line. Taylor Hicks, the man abused be the producers recently, came out with the Taylor Show, and stuck it to the Producers by choosing a song from the charts that was released probably close to thirty years ago. HILARIOUS. So, welcome to the show. This is the ONLY contestant tonight who thought about the perfect set. When you have two songs, you do this: You pick a fun, upbeat, easily familiar, catchy, sing-a-long that is sure to have America on it's feet having a blast…. and then, you close with a soft, tender, EMOTIONAL song that will have people in tears. You bring them through EVERY spectrum of emotion. Kudos, Taylor. Kudos. He gave us everything tonight. Funny clothes, Stage Prescence (Please, who doesn't like the whole Paul Townsend (The Who) fall onto the stage and getting on the knees), and he even managed to please himself as a performer. Big step up from last week. "Something" clicked. And it was magical. SAFE

Who should leave?

Paris Bennett

Who will leave?

Paris Bennett

~NGH