The NGH Report

Well. We're here. It's the finale night. The night OF the finale, rather. And this means that all of the angst, anger, grief, and sardonic and sarcastic remarks are all being dusted off and will be applied to the contestant tonight.

This is it. Cue the Mortal Kombat theme music, and let's high kick some faces, yall. 

This is the NGH Report.

Tonight we have: Cheesy Idol Songs, Funny Jackets, Squatting Women, Drunk Paula, Simon in a jacket, and a person who apparently is ALWAYS having a BAD EFFIN DAY.

I've enjoyed this season, and will be back with The NGH Report next season. Let's keep rocking the vote, as MTV says.

Sorry this review is coming so late. I've been voting all four hours like a dedicated reality television viewer.

Tonight I will go round by round and decide the winner at the end. 

Let's do it to it… one last time. *tear*

"Monkey Vs. Robot"

Round 1: The Round of Bitchin' Fun

WHOOOOOOO! Fun songs time. Yep, they open the show with a bang and get people dancing. WHOOOO!

Katharine McPhee – Black Horse And A Cherry Tree

Smart choice by Katharine. I loved this vocal from her a while back, it was unfortunate that the last time she did it it was paired with Against All Odds (YUCK), but I love this song. I'm not so sure I love Katharine, but I love KT Tunstall, and this song is so bluesy and refreshing that I'm automatically in love with it. My problems with it? It was the exact same as the first time she did it… and my complaint is that if you are stucked with a "greatest moments" theme, do SOMETHING to add to it. Otherwise you're running on a treadmill: working really hard and getting nowhere.

Kat… it wasn't as good as the first time. Though still quite good, it was like getting marmalade when you wanted strawberry jam. You didn't give me any jam. And, damn it, I like my jam. So… next time. Jam…. bitch.

I heard a rumor that KT didn't like Katharine's rendition of this song… and in all fairness, it is KT's song to critique…. but, she also signed it away to be used on American Idol… douche. Poor Katharine. She doesn't need to deal with comments from crazy KT. KT's just mad that KAT get's a vowel in her name to make it an actual name.

Anyway, on to Taylor…

Taylor Hicks – Living For The City

If you remember from my Top 12 review, I absolutely love this song on Taylor. And, he gets the crowd going, just like Katharine did… which is awesome. The choice of song? Brilliant. The choice of night wear? ….Well… let's just say we all know who Liberaci would have voted for…

Anywho, the song! was! great! Better than Katharines! Why? Well, because he EFFIN CHANGED IT UP! It wasn't the carbon copy of the last time he did. And this was a smarter choice because he sang it around eleven weeks ago, when a lot of people hadn't started watching, so, therefore, it sounded like a new song.

Good for you, Taylor. Now take off the damn jacket before I rip my eyes out. I feel like JPL and Taylor would have a ball with "Pimpin Velvet Jacket Night Before We Go Out On The Town To Hook Up With Women Who Will Never Get Near Us Because Of Our Sexually Ambigous Attire" Douche.

Round 1 goes to…… TAYLOR HICKS!!!

Round 2: The Round of Laziness

Here we go… let's slow it down dogs and dogettes for a pimpin good time with Kat and Tay. Somebody put on Air Supply and let's sway together like mad, while waving our hands in the air as if we might not truly be afflicted by one's opinion on a certain subject.

Ahem… here we go!

Katharine McPhee – Somewhere Over The RainbWHAT?!

You gotta be shittin me… WE JUST HEARD THIS SONG! Last week. Why are we hearing it again? Yes, it was amazing last week. I get it. But it makes no sense. That's like the show on VH1, "The Greatest Week Ever"… I don't care about anything on that show, because it JUST happened… can we stop writing our lives one week at a time people!

The song wasn't even as good as the first time she sang it. I knew that would be a danger. Now, I honestly don't know how much I liked the first one.

A. It was identical.

B. Notes in the end lost some control and the breath wavered created a lack of support and some flat spots. The last time she did it (which was last week you stupid girl) it sounded better. But, now, this is stuck in my memory.

Cool. Thanks a lot, Kat. Ruin my one moment of the season. 

You and I aren't talking right now.

SOMEEEEEEWHEEEERRRE OVVVVERRRR THEEEE RAIIIIIINBOOWWWWWWW IIIII DOOOONNTTT GIIIIIIVE AAAAAA DAAAAAAMMNNN, BEEECAUSE III SANG THIS SONG LAST WEEK AND I COULDNT CHOOSE ANNNNNYTHING ELLLLLSEEEE!!!!!

*applause* Thank you, thank you.

Taylor Hicks – Levon

Okay, now we're talking. A smart choice. The very FIRST song he did on AI, a potential moment for him. I'm excited. I'm still excited. I'm less excited…oo…now I'm more excited… and it's over.

Taylor, I liked the changes to the song, but the beginning was slightly phoned in was it not? It's hard to mess with the song, but last time you did it you put your life into it because it was the first time you were given to America.

This time. I don't really care to hear it again. 

Smart choice. Great song chances. I wanted a little bit more passion. I don't really have anything else to say.

This round was pretty clear in my mind.

And Round 2 goes to….. KATHARINE MCPHEE!!!

Round 3: The Round Of Songs We Wish Were Never Written Because They Display To Us Everything That Is Wrong In The Music Industry

Katharine McPhee – My Destiny

For the love of god and everything holy; stop singing. Right now. Say screw you to American Idol and run out that door. This song is bad. It's not just bad. It's awful. Of course, I was expecting this, it's the cheesy AI song we always have.

But, some of the fault DOES lie on you, princess. I realize it's crap… but, you know what? Early man had crap too… and he built straw huts using the crap as a fast drying adhesive.

So, where's the hut, McPhee? The song is bad, but you're not. Tell them to change the key, slow it down here, or do it yourself by changing your phrasing and accentuate different notes. Sing the harmony. Anything but this!

Oh, and the key change is a perfect example to all of Kat's fans why people claim Kat gets shrieky. There it is. Listen to it. And then I'll listen to it, and go kill myself.

Taylor Hicks – Do I Make You Proud

Okay. Well. That was a better song than I was expecting for Taylor. It was just as cheesy as Kat's, but, well, with better cheese. This is a perfect example of what I stated above… Taylor pushed this song to its limits in order to make it turn from bad to mediocre, while Kat just ran with it.

Some parts of this song were actually quite impressive. A few problems, a great wavering glory note, and, well, there you have it.

The last song of the competition is gone.

And Round 3 goes to…. TAYLOR HICKS!!!

Wait a minute! What's this! A surprise contestant. His name is Daniel Powter.

Daniel Powter – Bad Day

Hmm… this is actually surprisingly good… but, I feel like I've heard this song before… Well, this guy sings with a lot of passion, it's almost like he wrote the song. This was brilliant. HOME RUN WITH THIS SONG! Wow. Good times…

Let me get my tongue out of my cheek… yep, all set, here we go…

Who should win?

Taylor/Katharine (It's really all up to preference, isn't it now?)

Who will win?

Daniel Powter

~NGH 

Man, I've been waiting a long time to use this title. I love John Ritter. Poor, poor man.  So, it's Tuesday night, or depending who you are, E-Day, Kayday or Tayday! And if you use any of those anonyms, I fully endorse getting a life.

I kid because I love. And because it's kinda my schtick for my reviews.

Sigh. Here we go. Well, tonight we get THREE different songs, and again, my "set" comment comes into play. For those of you who are first time readers, I have the belief that it is more important to create a great set of songs in order to have a great night instead of dedicating too much time to one song.

So, Clive Davis picks a round of songs tonight, but unfortunately he isn't judging. So, that means we have a WHOLE season without a guest judge. Shocker. P.S. – Hey Clive Baby, don't wear the crushed blue velvet sweat suit, yo. Not only is it gross, but, well it looks like you're the Ed Gein of Smurfs.

Hands off Smurfette.

So, tonight is hard. Umm, here's the thing. Three choices. Only ONE picked by the contestant; so it's hard to find fault in the song choices. In my opinion, Clive COMPLETELY dropped the ball on his song choices by picking two songs that have been so overdone and one that was only famous for two reasons: 1. It was a poppy 80s hit with a man in tight jeans singing about sex and 2. It made Courtney Cox a star.

So, I pretty much hated round one.

Round Two was interesting and probably the best for all three of them.

Round Three was the one that made or broke them.

So, let's start the night. Ryan looks slick and the music is blaring.

Now, I had to listen to each performance three different times on my headphones in order to really get the ranking right tonight because of the stupid band. Again tonight, in my rankings, the person who had the best performance did not rank as number one! Read on to find out why! 

P.S. – The band was too loud half the time tonight.

Here we go!

"Three's Company, Too"

3. Elliott Yamin – Elliott comes out first with "Open Arms" for Clive Davis who is gaga over. Really, Elliott, quite a man crush, neh? Umm… stupid hat also. What's with that hat? Anyway, to begin with, Open Arms is not a rock song. So, further proof that Clive Davis is on drugs. Hard ones. Like black tar heroin. So, after Clive tells Elliott to go out and "kill them"…yikes. Elliott comes out and… well… it's okay. I mean, I'm not falling asleep but it looks like Elliott might want to…meh. Well, it's over. Paula says he is IN "Excellent Voice"… Is that that cool new club downtown? Paula so has an IN at that club. Awesome for Elliott. Anyway, the night pretty much goes like this… two more times. Elliott's performances sound good enough, but they are uninspired, and not fitting to his true talent. "What You Won't Do For Love" is a great song choice, but again, meh. And "I Believe To My Soul" was his best tonight. But again, Elliott seemed like he was outfought. I feel like Elliott came out fighting so hard last week just to get to tonight that he might have overdone it. He looked tired, worn out, and a tad uninspired. I think he really wants to win this thing but, unfortunately, he's been burning candles at both ends. We'll see tomorrow. NOT SAFE

2. Katharine McPhee – *blows nose and sticks it on Katharine's forehead* That's for you. Snotty. Let me tell you something I don't care for. Snotty behavior. Yeah, I realize you didn't pick the song. I don't really give a damn. I do know that you have the honor of being on such a monumental television show that displays your talent to millions and yet you can't keep your complaints to yourself. Let them say what they're going to say and you smile and nod. That's how you show respect. Excuses don't fly. Oh, and the looks. Stop those. And of course they're hard on you. You haven't been very good lately. Sure, that changed tonight, but come on! You're becoming the next Paula Abdul. Next thing we know Taylor is going to accuse you of coming onto him with inappropriate behavior. For shame! "I Believe I Can Fly" was awful. Shrilly. STOP SCREAMING AT ME! Listen, we have enough of this on the radio. I know it wasn't your choice. But it could have been more subtle. Now, to me, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" was heaven. Best song of the night. So, why aren't you on my number one spot? Because… this show is all about condensing your songs into an arrangement you can still impress with. That song ran over TWO AND A HALF MINUTES. It had time to build, to go places, it didn't need to be rushed. It was beautiful, yeah, it was, but unfair to the other contestants. There was great connection. Almost a mix of Bo and Fantasia's big time songs, and when she doesn't go overboard, it's fantastic. A bit too broadway, but that's just the song. Good pick by Simon. And I actually think the next song was slightly better in performance, "I Ain't Got Nothing But The Blues" is silly because it's not true. I doubt you have the blues, goofball. And "ain't" isn't proper english. Not your fault. Still fun and charismatic. A good night for Kat. Just stop wearing go-go boots. NOT SAFE

1. Taylor Hicks – A great night for Taylor. Let me tell you why I thought Taylor had the best first round with "Dancing In The Dark". I was rolling with laughter during it because it showed to me Taylor knew a little music history, as he pulled Paula out onto the dance platform to be his faux-Courtney Cox. Maybe now Paula will actually get famous! Fun! Even more fun? The GUN MOVE. Watch for it. It's hilarious and awesome at the same time. So, what Katharine needed two and a half minutes to do, Taylor squeezed out in about a minute and fifty seconds with "You Are So Beautiful" which was very beautiful and to me had the same quality as Kat's previous song, but with more connection and a less cheesy backstory for the song. The look on Taylor's face? It's called emoting. The song is not a happy song. Go research it. It's a tale of heartbreak. And you could see that in his face. A song set in a minor tone should tell you that. A great, tender moment. "Try A Little Tenderness" was all that and a bag of potato chips. It was unbridled and to me that shows he is ready to go out as an artist and make his name. The band was far too loud, but it was great. A little less than I expected, to be perfectly honest, but I think on the basis of this fact I gave him the highest rank: American Idol is not about simply being the best singer, but the best performer and all around entertainer. That's a quote from Simon from season ONE. Maybe we need this year to remind us it's not the voice that makes the music into magic, but the person behind the voice that creates the magic. NOT SAFE

Who should go?

Elliott Yamin

Who will go?

Elliott Yamin

~NGH 

Okay. It's Elvis week.

And I am disheartened by the comments on the web. Let me explain something about Elvis and it's music.

Now, my award of the week is the "Fanbase I Hate The Most Right Now" goes to the Kat fans. Because, honestly… this week has been hell reading some of these posts. BUT, not all Kat fans are like this, and in fact, every fan base has pissed me off one week or the other. Meh.

So, let's start a new segment called "In Defense Of"

In Defense Of – Taylor Hicks – IT'S JAILHOUSE ROCK!!! OF COURSE IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY; go watch the Elvis video. Taylor was TAMER than Elvis. Did Simon just say it's Karaoke?! OF COURSE IT IS. American's have been singing Elvis's hits forever. Karaoke isn't a viable excuse for tonight. Because while Elvis is the King of Rock, he is also the King of Karaoke hits. Stupid.

In Defense Of – Chris Daughtry – As much as I don't think Chris was at the top of his game tonight; he had the low Elvis purr. And it was very nice.

In Defense Of – Elliott Yamin – Umm….? He got rave reviews twice tonight… no one should complain about Elliott. But people will. Idiots.

In Defense Of - Katharine McPhee – She got kind of a bum wrap tonight. Unfortunately, it's really hard for someone like Katharine to sing Elvis. She came in at a disadvantage; sorry if I seem harsh on her. Still gotta love her voice right? Fantastic. But, one of my favorite conundrums of tonight's ramblings on the forums is that Kat fans HATED Jailhouse Rock and then LOVED Hound Dog/All Shook Up………………WHAT? They were both karaoke, over played, AND MANIC.

So, in conclusion, Elvis is MANIC. Deal with it.

Last week was the Scott Savol week, and this week is the JPL week. Cool.

Another funny point. I preferred JPL's version for both Jailhouse Rock and A Little Less Conversation. And that's saying a lot. Also, tonight's first and second rankings were hard. While I think the person I named as number one tonight deserves his position, he DID NOT, in my opinion, have the performance of the night. That goes to the runner up.

Here we go:

"Thank you. Thank you very much"

4. Katharine McPhee – Oh man, I'm going to get reamed by the Kat fans. As peeeer usssssual. I love her, I do. She's my favorite female. But, unfortunately, TONIGHT, wasn't her night. No matter what happens. First song, WHAT? Listen, on American Idol you get a MINUTE AND A HALF to sing as it is… and you try to make a mini-medley and fit a second song in there? Yes. The two songs are similar congratulations. So does Greenday's Lonely Road and Aerosmith's Dream On, but that doesn't mean they go together. Listen an apple and an onion are about the same shape and size, but don't take a bite out of an apple and then follow that with an onion. Because that's just stupid. And if you do that, do me and the world a favor and throw yourself off the nearest bridge. So, "Hound Dog/All Shook Up", ugh, I hate the slash, was a disaster. It was fun, sure, but it was confusing, manic, and she was out of breath a good portion of the time. She needs to take lessons from Hicks on moving. Now, the second song, "Can't Help Falling In Love" was how I felt watching her. She was very charismatic and sang a very pretty version of the song. Unfortunately, that is all it was or could be. It's hard for a female to sing Elvis. That's my opinion. He was such a sex symbol of testerone origin. Sigh. Yes, it was a little over the top with some of the runs. But, otherwise, a good job. Unfortunately, not good enough, she finishes last on my review. Good luck to her. NOT SAFE

3. Chris Daughtry – So. Chris this week, to me, besides channeling the low purr of the Elvis voice, was the definition of "MEH". This was a weak set arrangement, mainly because I felt like he wasn't even trying. But, "Suspicious Minds" was beautiful. A great song, and a great fit, but I would have done it last, because "A Little Less Conversation" was exactly how I wanted to talk about it. Not so much. It didn't leave me wanting more. Both songs were stagnant, monotonous, and didn't really go anywhere. There wasn't a lot of strength and breath support. Two things I hated about Chris tonight? Sunglasses. It's not sunny in the building. I get it. You're playing with the theme; and it's cool. But, you also look goofy. So stop it. And my second hated point? WHAT WAS WITH THE RAPTOR SCREAMS AT THE END OF HIS SECOND SONG? It looked like Chris was trying to get a bad taste out of his mouth or cough up a hair ball. No me gusta, no me gusta indeed. Vocals were on track and the choices were good. The problem was he never brought it home. SAFE

2. Taylor Hicks – This was tough for me… because I thought "In The Ghetto" was the best of the night. But, unfortunately, his first song, lowered his score incredibly. First of all, yes, it was Karaoke. But… it's Elvis. It's famous Elvis. And it was done very well. The problem? Awful song choice. The song doesn't build, it doesn't go anywhere. Same thing as Katharine. Why is Taylor's better? Breath support! At least Taylor wasn't coming unhinged. His ear plugs are out! Now, "Jailhouse Rock" was meh, but the second choice was fantastic. Absolutely brilliant. There was connection and it was a brave choice that he slightly gave a taste of Taylor. Very soulful changes and people were eating it up. Even Simon. You know what I've noticed? People hate giving this man credit? Why? I don't care if he's not your thing. I give everyone credit, and try to speak fairly, but when people talk about Taylor, it's brutal. It's very interesting. But, interestingly enough, this was supposed to be Taylor's night. And it was. But, guess who else shared in his glory? NOT SAFE

1. Elliott Yamin – I'm loving the fact that so many people were worried for the underdog. Worry no more. With two great performances, the only one to have two great performances, Elliott takes the cake with the best night on Idol. But, NOT the best performance of the night. I gave that to Taylor. Elliott came out fighting. He was like a vicious squirrell that was tired of being pelted with acorns, so he came out with his teeth bared…and cute little squirrell noises. Good for him. I'm rooting for him tonight, and I hope the Yaminions (God, that name is stupid) are voting their butts off. Good show, ole chap, good show! NOT SAFE

Who should leave?

Katharine McPhee

Who will leave?

Katharine McPhee

~NGH

Two songs per night! Two songs per night! I'm so effin excited! WOOOOOOOO!!! Magrathea! It's Magrathea!!!!!! Here come the giant blue Olympians with microphones! Hell yes!!!!! It's Tuesday, bitches. It's Tuesday. Get with it.

Tonight! A song from the seventies or eighties and a song from the charts! Hot damn. Tonight is a night where different frontrunners will emerge. Why?

TWO SONGS PER EFFIN NIGHT!!!

That equals less preparation time and more strain on the contestants voice. Instead of picking a song; you pick a set. Now, a set in the music world needs to flow together. It's not good enough just to pick two good songs; the songs need to groove with one another or else you are COMPLETELY disjointed. Performers need to be able to differentiate how much focus each song needs during rehearsal, or else one song will sound GREAT and the other, awful. So, let's separate the professionals from the…uhh…amateurs? Yeah. Amateurs.

So, uggh, I'm tired. Moving into my new apartment this weekend and I'm a little sore. But, big news, this is my new home! THIS NEW BLOG! Comment as much as you like, but keep in mind I am a sarcastic ass and will make fun over you without relent. Which, as some people call it, is "relentlessly". Awesome.

Oh, also. I'm a BIG Superman fan. So, I encourage you to go check out the brand new trailer for the brand new movie. If you're like me you will wet your bed. Rock on.

Now, before I begin. I've been reading the boards like Whitney Houston with a coke habit; and I gotta tell you… sad. I think we need to have a friendly talk about "bias" and playing nice with others. Do we? We do.

"Bias" means you are too sensitive and partial to have an objective eye on performances. But, where does truth lie in opinion?

AT MY BLOG!

Here's an example I see ALL THE TIME: When someone tells me in "their opinion" that dancing makes Taylor Hicks a joke… that is not an honest opinion. That's bias. And stupid. That is ineptitude. Look it up. The world is full of performance styles.

Music is art. Every interpretation. So, in conclusion, ahem… shut the fuck up. Or I will drop kick you and then high kick you in your face. Jerks.

Sorry for the language. But, this blog is UNRATED. *Naked girls run around squealing*

I've been serious; now let's be goofy.

"Let's Separate The Men From The Boys"

 5. Paris Bennett - Umm. Read above. That rant about a "set" of music. Apply it to Ms. Bennett. While Paris has a practically flawless voice, I DO NOT know who she is as a performer. What's she really about? WHO IS SHE?! Paris' taste is so eclectic she makes Weird Al look like a dedicated pop singer. We go from Bette one night to Prince and Mary J? Really? At least with the others I have a sense of what's going to be in their album. Unfortunately, this is Paris' only weakness. But, it's a big one. The voice is there, but the experience lacks. We all know that so let's admit it to ourselves. She can "Kiss" the crown good-bye in my opinion. And, so sad, we will "Be Without You" next Tuesday night. NOT SAFE

4. Elliott Yamin - I'm sorry. I really struggled to put Elliott here. While I believe that both performances were averaged to this spot, I think Katharine's first song was worse than both of his. But, alas, here we are. Rounding out the bottom two. Elliott seemed a little tentative singing "On Broadway". It was a decent choice, but he could have done with a better uptempo to compliment his set. I think he is getting the basic idea of what he SHOULD have done, but unfortunately it didn't quite click tonight. Vocals were spot on. But, let's be honest, everyone at this point in the competition is incredible. But, again, the night is interesting. Because while the first song was "meh" to me, I think Elliott hit a home run, well maybe just a triple, with his second song. Beautiful, composed, confident, and compassionate. Let's hope he isn't jinxed, because I definitely don't want him to go "Home". I don't care if you're just so far from where I am, Elliott, don't come back home. Not yet. NOT SAFE

3. Katharine McPhee – Hey. Katharine on her knees. It IS my dream. First of all… "Against All Odds" = Yuck with a side of gross. EVERYTHING about the performance had a significant yikes factor. (FYI: The "Yikes Factor" is a scientific equation which determines the amount of yikes present in all surrounding spaces in order to create a valued analysis of WHY THE HELL KATHARINE SOUNDED LIKE A DRUNK CHIMPANZEE!!!!?) I blame the key. Wrong key for her. Now, while Katharine certainly had a varied set, we can clearly see she spent a hell of a lot more time on "Blackhorse And A Cherry Tree" which was incredible. The performance was original, the voice was great, there was a point where her rasp and vibratto even matched Chris. Hell, I tried to crank the volume up during it, but I couldn't, because I had stabbed my eyes out earlier in the show watching her tackle Phil Collins. Hey, that sounds like a reality show. TACKLE PHIL COLLINS, TOMORROW ON FOX, 8/7 CENTRAL. Bravo on that performance. It ALMOST made me forget about the other one. Almost. NOT SAFE

2. Chris Daughtry - The next two performers were the ONLY two who handled the jump to two songs a week. While I think Chris shouldn't have "rocked out" twice. It definitely worked, because we as an American Idol audience, know that is who Chris is. So, Chris comes out to sing "Renegade"… and apparently he is a Jedi Knight in his all black combination with a lightsaber hook up attached to his belt. What IS that thing? *shakes head confused* Now, I know a lot of people thought his first song was the better of the two. Here's a shock: I don't. "I Dare You" to tell me that the first song was more vocally challenging. Because I listened to his final selection as was madly impressed. Listen, I used to be in a few hardcore screaming rock bands, and it takes a hell of a lot to do what Chris did for his second song. A SMART modern choice. But, again, while I was floored because of the talent, I think America will take the second song as a punch to the gut because it was that hardcore. Be careful, Chris, the more hardcore you get… the less on-the-fence voters come to you. Try balancing your set a little bit more. Just try it. I dare you. SAFE

1. Taylor Hicks - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love reading the boards and seeing this complaint: Taylor singing "Something" was CHEATING! What a cop out! I actually saw a big Chris supporter saying this and I copied it into my scrapbook and labelled it "IRONY". *COUGH* Higher Ground *COUGH* I Walk The Line. Taylor Hicks, the man abused be the producers recently, came out with the Taylor Show, and stuck it to the Producers by choosing a song from the charts that was released probably close to thirty years ago. HILARIOUS. So, welcome to the show. This is the ONLY contestant tonight who thought about the perfect set. When you have two songs, you do this: You pick a fun, upbeat, easily familiar, catchy, sing-a-long that is sure to have America on it's feet having a blast…. and then, you close with a soft, tender, EMOTIONAL song that will have people in tears. You bring them through EVERY spectrum of emotion. Kudos, Taylor. Kudos. He gave us everything tonight. Funny clothes, Stage Prescence (Please, who doesn't like the whole Paul Townsend (The Who) fall onto the stage and getting on the knees), and he even managed to please himself as a performer. Big step up from last week. "Something" clicked. And it was magical. SAFE

Who should leave?

Paris Bennett

Who will leave?

Paris Bennett

~NGH

Hey there, gang.

Back again! But, now, with an official home for The NGH Report and the rest of my American Idol musings; not to mention a kickin' awesome place to get high kicks delivered to the home of the mouth, nose, and eyes… That's right, the friggin face.

 Rocking sweet time. I encourage you all to flock here and have some fun with me. Post comments and make fun of each other. Because you know I'll be making fun of you… and me. But, hopefully, mostly you.

 4. The "Aww…That Person's Not As Bad As We Thought" Threads – There is usually one contestant EVERYONE hates, and the longer this person stays in the show, the more violent and disturbing comments get about how AWFUL this person is, and how FAKE and this person isn't even human, but more likely, is a MONSTER. And then… once they're voted off… AWWWW, they're actually really sweet! I feel bad for saying that I think she should lose her head in a not so tragic accident involving a weed whacker… *fake boohoo* 

 3. The "Official Fan Threads of Contestants WHO NEVER MADE IT TO THE FINALS" Threads – Why is the Will/Gedeon/Ayla/EVERYONE who got voted off before the Top 12 constantly on the front page of Forums? It's a living reminder of disappointment? How sad do you feel when the only remnant of your favorite is 300 posts on how if Will Makar had ONLY WORN A BRIGHTER SHIRT HE WOULD HAVE MADE IT!!! Or, well, Ayla is doing JUUUUUST fine without the show. The season hasn't ended yet! Do we need constant reminders of what Gedeon has been doing for the past couple of weeks?

 2. The "Who Would be the CUTEST Couple" Threads – Uggggggh. No effin way. Really? Do you really want to know who Chris would make the cutest couple with? HIS WIFE. All this thread does is promote the fact that maybe Taylor isn't as good looking as Ace. And, I hope you all feel bad when you realize that the only people EVER right in this forum are the ones who claim that David and Kellie made the cutest couple. Because, it's true. Man… that Dellie combination is dreamy. Ahhhh. That was a sigh; not a scream. Screams come later. And with exclamation marks.

 1. The "I'm SOOOOO FUNNY" Threads – These are threads written by "jokers" out there who love watching American Idol and review it and laugh about it, but all they are really doing is throwing their lame metaphors, comments, and snide remarks into an already clogged forum that could really do without their comments on the funniest and silliest threads in existence; and that my friends, is a reason why were are ALL idiots.

 Till Tuesday,

 NGH