The NGH Report

Well.

How about that night of Idol, huh?

Does anyone else feel really dirty like they just walked in on their elderly aunt in the shower? And then proceeded to get IN the shower and watch her sing to herself in a ridiculously weak voice which lacked confidence while you whispered “Keep goin’” as you lathered the soap over her back, being careful to not touch that weird bump that pops up between her shoulder blades.

Now, I don’t know if these guys are just having the frights or if they are legitimately this poor. I’m hoping it’s the former. I can only pray the girls will step it up tomorrow, and then I can only PLEAD that the guys will realize their folley and come out fighting.

But, on the plus side, I have a lot of stuff to make fun of.

Ryan starts off the show with this little gem, “The best talent yet!” Ryan’s been taking too much heroin this week. He should stop, that junk is stunting his growth.

Hey! It’s the judges! I didn’t know they’d be here! Oh Ryan, what a wonderful surprise! So, let’s begin to- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?  Ohhh, it’s just Randy’s giant wristwatch! I thought somebody had hidden the crown jewels at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jacks and that Randy “I played with mothaeffin Journey! Respect me!” Jackson was one lucky little boy. Seriously, dawg, too much bling. That thing is the size of Flava Flav’s watch. Ugh.

Paula makes a startling comment that she is the “nice judge”. Not startling because she says she is nice, we all know she is the nice on, but startling because she uses the word “judge” to describe yourself. Oh, silly Paula! No, you’re not! Take another sip of Grandpa’s cough medicine and giggle for me, chica.

 Okay, now that all of that is out of my system, let’s see who did the least crappy out of the crap filled night!

“What the $%#@?!”

12. Paul Kim – Wow. I had hopes for this guy, but I was dead wrong. Singing “Careless Whisper” which is one of those song titles that makes no sense to me outside of the realm of Cheese, Karate Kid Kim (yes, I know it’s racist, but I couldn’t resist the alliteration. You know I speak in jest) performs like a homeless idiot on the side of the road; shoeless, drunk, and violent. Paul sounds like he might have hit no more than two notes during the entire song, jumps to some terrible falsetto attempts, and then finishes. Hell, even his parents look confused sitting in the audience. His father’s eyes pretty much said, “People think he’s talented?” He needs to pick it up if he survives, which I doubt he will. NOT SAFE.

11. Sundance “Gimli” Head - Well. I was dead wrong. This guy is way out of his league. And each week he fails he proceeds to get more and more nervous creating the downfall we have been witnessing recently. Sundance picks a great song, “Knights In White Satin” but manages to suck it up. I’m so confused! We know he has a good voice, we’ve heard it! Oh wow, I just realized Sundance has a certain amount of symmetry; meaning you could turn him upside down and it would still look like a head of hair with a busy goatee. Hilarious. Anyway, you can’t pronounce love as “rove” and hope to get far in this competition. Simon outright says “I didn’t like you tonight.” And then Paula proceeds to feel herself up. Where are we tonight? What’s going on? This guy needs to fight for his life next week if he can. I say he has one last chance. SAFE.

10. Jared Cotter - This man has no personality. He is a deep voice with a quietly appeal. And yet, he seems more robotic than Alan Keyes. Secondly, WHAT IS THE EFFIN SONG? The song is a grocery list! “One! Quit singing this song! Two! God, I hate myself for picking this crap! Three! Someone shoot me please! Four! Repeat steps one through three! The song is called “Back At One”, and I didn’t know it existed. But now that I do, I will not rest until every CD that has this song on it is taken off the market, and a public apology is delivered by the artist. Then we’ll throw fruit at everybody and feel better. Awful. Get off the stage, Jared. The only reason you weren’t at the very bottom was that you were occasionally more on key than the others. NOT SAFE.

9. Rudy “Pee-Wee” Cardenas – Rudy! Rudy! Rudy! Now, first things first, is there a tilde over the “n” in his last name? Because the answer to that question boggles me. Tilde? No tilde? Man, I love the word “tilde”. To be fair to Rudy, it made sense choosing a fast song to lead off the night, he had the right idea, yet again, falling in line with tonights theme, picked an awful song for his voice. “Free Ride”. Yes, a free ride home, Rudy. Be careful expanding your voice to your upper range and then not finishing the words. I feel like you’re singing “It’s a Fra Roi, tay ET eeeezzA!” Finish your words. I think you deserve another chance though since you were one of the few to actually take the stage with confidence and belt it out. Besides, I want your friends to come on the show. You know, the King of Cartoons, Reba the Mail Lady, and Captain Carl. I love those guys. I hope you don’t return to your playhouse too soon, Hispanic Pee-Wee. NOT SAFE.

8. Sanjaya “Indie Stevie” Malakar - Does anyone else find it funy that whenever they show clips of him and his sister auditioning together, his sister always looks like she hates Sanjaya. Sanjaya has this constant smile that says, “I love ya, sis!” and she is glaring a quick, “Don’t touch me, I hate you!” right back at him. I’m getting this interesting quiet but confident feeling from Sanjaya as he starts off a waaaaay too subtly version of “Knocks Me Off My Feet” which it certainly doesn’t. Then, all of a sudden, the chorus picks up and saves Sanjaya a little bit in my eyes. He has a good voice, but it sounds so MEEK! He needs to belt when he is supposed to; things are labeled forte for a reason. Well, the song is over and the hesitant 17 year old gets reamed by the judges. Well, Sanjaya will live to sing another day. Hopefully he doesn’t listen to his singer this time and listens to the vocal coaches. SAFE.

7. Brandon Rogers – Dear American Idol, we get it. Brandon was a background singer. Stop telling us. I don’t need to continue hearing the same set-up performance after performance, and I really don’t need to hear the silly sayings like, “You’re in the spotlight now!” or “No more being in the back for you!” Dumb. Woo! Brandon wants to “Rock With You”! I’m jealous! I like Brandon’s voice and the song is pretty well controlled, but it still feels meek and drowned out by the Idol band. Damn Ricky Minor, trying to steal their thunder! The arrangement is weird as well. Brandon can do a lot better than this, so, we’ll hope we see him next week. I have a feeling we will. But, if he comes out one more time with only one half of his shirt tucked in, I will destroy him. In words. Not physically. That guy has some guns. And I don’t mean like BLAM BLAM kind of guns, I mean, jesus, he could rip my head off with his bare hands. Or bear hands. Both ways sound exciting. But if pressed, I guess I would like to see Brandon with bear hands. SAFE.

6. A.J. Tabaldo – I’m going to say one thing about A.J. Well, first off, A.J. Who? Secondly, popped collars are stupid. Stop it. Third, boring performance, not unique, but rather pitch perfect. A.J. played it rather safe, which made him appear slightly better than the majority of the other contestants. I didn’t write much about A.J. because during this point of the show I was curled up, crying, in the fetal position worrying that my favorite show had royally screwed up. Either way, A.J. should be always worrying, considering no one knows who he is, nor do I think they particularly care at this point. A.J. sang “Never Too Much” which is a blatant lie. Anyway, A.J. is NOT SAFE.

5. Nicholas Pedro – Wow. Nick really looks, well, uncomfortable. Gotta love the smokey tone to Nick’s voice though as much as tonight sucked. Unfortunately for The Comeback Kid, by the way, I came up with this first, Ryan, the song just plain didn’t go anywhere. Where Nick could have really scored some points the arrangement failed him. He sang “Now and Forever” which is how long the song felt. Nick DOES have great potential like the judges say and he has a great attitude. So, let’s hope we can see him for another week and give him one more chance. Unfortunately, Nick might be heading home, and this time, he won’t be coming back. NOT SAFE.

4. Chris Richardson – Chris sang “I Don’t Wanna Be” making him the third idol contestant to sing through this number. Unfortunately, I’m starting to really hate the tone of Richardson’s voice. It’s nasally, but, at the same time, he is hitting the notes, it just really doesn’t feel like it. He is trying to be a Timberlake clone a little too much, even if he doesn’t realize it. But, one thing Chris does have going for him, is that he is a great performer. He looked confident, cool, collected, and ready to hit the finals. Let’s just hope that people can hang with that voice of his until then otherwise it’s going to be getting on a lot of peoples nerves. He needs to broaden some of his lower register to really strengthen his position as a contestant. But, Simon is right, the girls will love him. SAFE.

3. Chris Sligh – Chris. I like you. I do. And I realize you were just trying to be funny, but, be very careful. I really think you took a hit as a popular contestant last night with your bicker session with Senor (tilde?) Cowell. You had a rocking song, “Typical”, that was a great example of what you SHOULD pick on your first round, but be careful that it is not TOO obscure otherwise a lot of people won’t remember it enough to vote for you. I think you made some mistakes this week, though were certainly in the top tier of male contestants. So, the judges kind of agreed with me, and then Simon called Ryan “sweetheart” which is my cue to make a snarky joke. But guess what, Chris? I’m better than that, so I’m just going to quietly turn away and be the better man. SAFE.

2. Blake Lewis – So, Blake wants to sing. But, don’t you get it Blake? You are here for amusement! You can’t sing! You make mad beats, oh, still going to try huh? Oh, okay… And, wow, you do sing. Never would have thought. So, Lewis comes out pissed off that Idol only showed him beatboxing (he didn’t seem pissed, but trust me, he was a bit pissed) and then sang Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” and did a rather good job. Very controlled, very interesting, very modern, very different. Job well done. I want to see Blake do something a little bit more uptempo next time. Also, he needs to stop bleaching his hair or there will be nothing left. It was so blond that when the lights started going the reflections sunburned my eyes. Either way, this is a rather easy one to call. SAFE.

1. Phil “Lex Luthor” Stacey – For a second, I had trouble remembering who this guy was because he wasn’t wearing some form of hat. I thought that guy from Rockstar:INXS or Rockstar:Supernova, or Rockstar:Who gives a crap? decided to join American Idol. But, no! It’s Phil! And after a short shakey start, though hardly monsterous, gives one of the only performances that could have stood against some of the guys from last season. His voice was much stronger than the band and he was confident enough to really belt out the notes that SHOULD be belted out. Aww, look at his baby blue eyes! Anyway, the song was great, but what was more impressive was the way he spoke with the judges. Respectful, agreeing, eager to learn. People are going to eat that up. Well done. SAFE.

One thing that struck me as troublesome: the reoccuring theme that America should remember peoples past auditions. How long are we supposed to judge these people on one acapella performance months back? Seriously. This is a new game. Get with it, guys.

Who should go home?

Paul and Sundance

Who will go home?

Paul and Nick

~NGH

Well, we are finally done with all of this auditioning! Now it’s up to us!

But, before we move on next week with the performances and my quasi witty banter, I’d like to take a moment and sit right there so I can tell you how I become the Prince of a town called Bel-Air.

Wait, whoops.

I’d like to take a moment to finally look at all these contestants and size them up since we have FINALLY seen all of them.

Let’s begin; alphabetically!

Alaina Alexander

So, I’ve gone over all of the bits and clips we’ve seen of Alaina… and let’s look at her for a second. As far as the look, she has it. She’s a very attractive young woman. Fantastic. Let’s crown her American Idol! What’s that? How’s her singing? I don’t know. Leave me alone.

Well, to be fair, when I first saw her at auditions I saw a very limited vocal pattern. Her tone had a unique wispy flair to it but where she lacks is the breath control to push more power into her voice. This leads to a very flat, unsupported pattern which has consistently appeared, albeit lightly, throughout the competition. We’ll see how she does when she sings with an accompanient, but I’m concerned about her staying power…

Prediction: Top 16-Top 20

Antonella Barba

Wow. Why even vote? Let’s just turn this show into a wet t-shirt contest and let the girl win it right away. Seriously. If this isn’t an example of eye candy, I don’t know what is. My predictions about Antonella have been right since day one! I said she was “hot” and I stood by that prediction while naysayers told me I was a fool, well, guess what? She’s “hot”… therefore I win. Vocally? Like Alaina before her, Antonella has an interesting aspect to her voice. It sounds very foreign, very different than most pop singers, but she is not well trained. I’m interested to see how the vocal coach at Idol will transform her, because if she can get some serious lessons under her belt, Antonella has a shot at being that really hot girl who finishes 12th place!

Prediction: Top 8 – Top 16

Rudy Cardenas

Rudy is very interesting. He’s a good looking guy with what seems like a winning personality. He takes criticism incredibly well, and when it comes to his voice, well, I would say that Rudy has some of the best control over his vocal gymnastics then most of the other Top 24 contestants. He’s going to be a crowd pleaser, and with a voice as strong and confident as Rudy’s, I can definitely see him going rather far in the competition.

Prediction: Top 5 – Top 16

Jared Cotter

Well, Jared seems to me like a nice enough guy with a nice enough voice, but, nothing else seems to stand out. Which is his big problem. The Top 24 is less about your performance and more about finding a way to define yourself. Last year, Taylor Hicks practically locked up the competition when he performed Levon and really showed America WHO he was. Most people that get out of the semi-final rounds are successful because they have established a fanbase. I’m having trouble seeing Jared making an impression when his personality is calm, cool, and collected.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Melinda Doolittle

Ah, the Animal Doctor. Melinda is in the top tier of the women this year. In fact, after what I’ve seen there are only a handful of people who could stop her from getting into the Top 6. Melinda is a woman with a perfect story. She used to be this little shy back up singer, but now she has beaten all of her doubt and is becoming a star! Seriously. People eat this stuff up. She’s sweet, cute, and is one of the best technical singers this show has. Her problem is going to come down to the unique/original factor. Yes. She’s amazing. But, is this what American wants this year? Maybe.

Prediction: Top 3 – Top 8

Stephanie Edwards

Well, this Edwards girl is interesting. I see her as a potential strong talent. She reminds me of a blend of Latoya and Fantasia as far as appearance goes, but her voice, while a strong talent, doesn’t seem like it’s going to be enough to mobilize a fanbase to get her through the next three weeks. Well, barring a fantastic Latoya London performance. That being said, she really needs to pick a song this week that will make Simon say these words, “I think you are probably one of the strongest voices in this competition”. Because, if she gets any sort of endorsement, she might pull into the finals. Otherwise…

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Gina Glocksen

Gina is going to be around for a while. Here is why… 1. She has colored hair 2. She has flair 3. She stands out 4. She is a success story; FINALLY making it to this point 5. Her voice has “something” when it is singing the right song.

In fact, vocally, Gina really needs to pick smart songs to sing, otherwise her voice sounds lackluster. Glocksen really needs to “get into” her music and come out fighting. She is potentially a front runner with a few great performances and comes into the semi-finals with two seasons worth of exposure and an established fanbase.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 9

Sundance Head

This is a toughie. Sundance had probably one of the top three intial auditions of the competition… then, he gets to Hollywood and falls apart. I’ve heard rumors of nerves, sickness, alien abduction, whatever. The point remains, Idol has taken an initial pimped frontrunner and depimped him, which will make sense towards the end of this article. But, my theory, the knocked him down, because they thought they built him up too early. Watch for him to knock everyone’s socks off this next week a la Bo’s “Whipping Post”. His voice is soulful, passionate, and strong… as long as he watches his behavior and chooses the right choices of song, we’ll see him for a while…

Prediction: American Idol – Top 6

Leslie Hunt

Leslie is another contestant we have only seen rarely, but she DOES in fact come into this competition with a rather large fanbase. They’re quiet, but they do exist. Leslie is a girl who will shine next week. Her voice is almost Janis Joplin like. Now, the key for her is where she falls style wise. I think we are going to see her coming out with a rock edge. I have a feeling she will fight Gina Glocksen for votes. Almost a Constantine vs. Bo showdown. Something tells me that Leslie is the Bo of the group and Gina is more of a “pretender”. No, being a pretender isn’t bad, but one of them might have to back off a shared theme in the semi-finals. Just a feeling…

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 16

Lakisha Jones

Lakisha is almost a mold of three or four past idols. A mix of Hudson, Barrino, and Mandisa. Obviously Lakisha is very talented, but like Mandisa before her, I see her leaving somewhere midway during the finals. Here’s the deal, folks! As much as you might love Lakisha here, she isn’t going to be the Idol. Her voice is simply too much like those before her. If we didn’t crown Hudson or Mandisa, we aren’t going to crown Lakisha. People are craving this whole “unique” over “typical” quality now. Frankly, Lakisha has a type of voice we have heard before. Look for her to sail through the semi-finals until votes get bored and lazy…

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 12

Paul Kim

I think Paul is a much stronger contestant than people realize… His voice is unique while still being commercial; though I personally didn’t see him having much of a grasp on singing acapella. Fortunately for Paul, that part of the show is over. Once we see him take control of the stage and the accompaniment of the song, we are going to see something different. Paul certainly is the anti-Hung. Good for him. But, my worry is that he will fade too quickly due to the inability to really expand his musical tastes during theme nights. He might appear a one trick poney; but, he’s really up in the air.

Prediction: Top 4 – Top 16

Amy Krebs

Well, first off, Amy is one of the few we hadn’t seen AT ALL up until this point. Why not? This girl is bubbly, cute, and very talented. A very strong female contender. She knows who she is, knows how to control her voice, and seems confident as a stage performer. Well, with the little known about Amy, I can really only state what I said earlier. Fanbase, fanbase, fanbase. She won’t last too long if she can’t immediately make an impression next week. She’s got potential to go rather far.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 16

Blake Lewis

Well, I personally think American Idol spent too much time showing Blake beat-boxing and not enough time singing. He HAD to sing to get through. No one likes beat-boxing that much; I mean, to put him in Top 24 because of his beat-boxing skills? No. Something else happened that week that led to this. I think we are going to see Blake come out swinging. After watching all of his footage I think he realizes he needs to prove he has what it takes. One huge thing Blake has going for him is his fanbase. I see it carrying him for at least two bad performances. But, we’ll see, vocally he has potential but has a tendency to hit some notes and then fall sharp…

Prediction: Top 8 – Top 16

Sanjaya Malakar

Every season has one; the young teen boy with a killer smile. Or at least, with an adoring fanbase. Sanjaya, as I have mentioned before, has a sweet voice and a winning personality. He appears real and grateful; this is definitely a Cinderella story for him. We’ve seen a teen heartthrob every season, I don’t see this one as any different. Expect for him to just slip into the Top 12, maybe. His voice is very bright and colorful which makes for a hard sell to a pop crowd wanting a more mature sound, but to his fanbase, well, watch them vote him right into the final rounds.

Prediction: Top 7 – Top 16

Nick Pedro

Nick is a wild card in my book. I think he is the closest Idol will ever get to accepting a “true” crooner. If her makes it to the semi-finals, he will certainly have to rely on what Elliott Yamin did last year. He needs to prove to America that his voice will sell him, and not the lack of “character” that has been pinned on him. Nick is an everyday guy… which is great. He’s real. But, like Elliott, he needs to have an incredible performance in the next three weeks to squeak him into the finals. If he achieves that, he might be able to go rather far…

Prediction: Top 3 – Top 12

Chris Richardson

A very untrained, raw singer. Chris is talented, no doubt, and girls, don’t claw my eyes out when I say this, but, Chris doesn’t have other qualities to counterbalance his lack of experience. He is rather quiet from what we’ve seen; very cool, stone cold even. And when he sings he focuses way too much on the speed of his vocal trills. Watch for him to get called out on this during the first week of semi-finals. If Chris can outsing either Phil or Nick, he has a chance, otherwise, I don’t see him lasting too much longer unless the female vote really propels him forward. He’s a heartthrob! Awww…

Prediction: Top 10 – Top 20

Brandon Rogers

Brandon is probably the best technical singer amongst the guys. He is trained, he is versatile, he is well practiced, and he is ready for a chance. This is a dangerous combination, but he has potential to leave everyone in his dust if he comes out of the gate running. His success will come down to the songs he picks and the strength of his personality in the first few rounds. Once we are familiar with him, things will become much easier with Brandon.

Prediction: American Idol – Top 5

Haley Scarnato

Well, Haley is in the same situation as Antonella… Her voice doesn’t seem strong enough to really warrant entry into the final rounds at this point, and I feel like Antonella will be able to just beat her out due to her constant attention throughout the season already. Haley has a pretty voice, but she is very much outranked by her fellow competitors. I see her falling in the semi-finals.

Prediction: Top 16 – Top 24

Chris Sligh

I really can’t handle having a contestant that is better at making fun of the show than I am, I mean, seriously, first Hasselhoff, and now, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you in for this meeting” He had me rolling. Chris has probably one of the top two strongest fanbases at this point and time and I would be shocked if he didn’t make the finals. His voice is rich, which is the best way to describe it. His performances will be strong due to his experience in the field, but at the same time, watch for a breakout performance early on and let’s see what he get. I see him as one of the best male voices at this time; a lot of you will probably say, “Really?!” Wait… I think you’re going to see something special…

Prediction: American Idol – Top 6

Sabrina Sloan

Sabrina is going to become that poor girl who everyone thought was rather good but never made the finals. Unfortunately, I don’t see much saving her, since we have just been introduced to her talent, and she has a problem with fading into the background. Her voice seems rather affected too, which will cause her to shrink even farther into obscurity with only mediocre comments from the judges.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Jordin Sparks

This girl can sing. No doubt about that. Now, the question comes down to her age… I see her picking some rather big songs, but, can she connect with them? Or will she fall back on some more Disney pickings? Each road could be fatal. People need to be reintroduced to her, and each performance needs to be perfect for her to get into the Top 12. I think many people are predicting an easy entrance into the finals for Jordin, but I believe we will see her just barely squeak in; maybe. I get a big Lisa Tucker vibe from her, though.

Prediction: Top 7 – Top 16

Phil Stacey

Phil Stacey is bald. No, it’s true. I honestly think we haven’t even seen close to the best of Phil, and the semi-finals is going to be a crazy battle between Phil, Paul, and Nick. One of them will make it. But, if Phil does make it, I see him progressing to a nice point in the season. He is also in the Navy, so watch for that angle to be played a little bit more as well. His voice is unique in that it feels effortless, but sometimes this causes him to fall short of some of the marks he sets for himself.

Prediction: Top 6 – Top 16

A.J. Tabaldo

Poor A.J. I keep getting voices in my head telling me “cannon fodder”. Unfortunately, someone has to go, and A.J. is good without being great. He isn’t too unique, nor does he stand out from the pack. He doesn’t even seem like friends with the pack, just a local guy who got close enough to be swept up into the action. I could be wrong, but I don’t see him advancing past the first week.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

Nicole Tranquillo

First off, love the name. I see either her or Amy doing well, but not both. Nicole was of course not shown until this last episode, so I see her falling the way most good to great singers do in the semi-finals. Quick, and without a splash. I’d like to be proven wrong, though. I really enjoy her tone.

Prediction: Top 20 – Top 24

So, in conclusion, let me tell what I make of this years group of contestants. Now, I don’t know if everyone is with me here, but I am getting this huge feeling of a very even field. I feel like they picked singers this year opposed to characters. Sure, there are a few oddballs, but there are mainly just young adults sharing the same dream. It feels very Season 1 too me. I’m also not seeing any heavy pimping yet, with maybe an exception for Sundance who seemed to have been FORCED into the Finals based on one audition alone.

But, all in all, I’m excited to see what this season brings. It seems fresh and different.

Out.

~NGH

Well. We're here. It's the finale night. The night OF the finale, rather. And this means that all of the angst, anger, grief, and sardonic and sarcastic remarks are all being dusted off and will be applied to the contestant tonight.

This is it. Cue the Mortal Kombat theme music, and let's high kick some faces, yall. 

This is the NGH Report.

Tonight we have: Cheesy Idol Songs, Funny Jackets, Squatting Women, Drunk Paula, Simon in a jacket, and a person who apparently is ALWAYS having a BAD EFFIN DAY.

I've enjoyed this season, and will be back with The NGH Report next season. Let's keep rocking the vote, as MTV says.

Sorry this review is coming so late. I've been voting all four hours like a dedicated reality television viewer.

Tonight I will go round by round and decide the winner at the end. 

Let's do it to it… one last time. *tear*

"Monkey Vs. Robot"

Round 1: The Round of Bitchin' Fun

WHOOOOOOO! Fun songs time. Yep, they open the show with a bang and get people dancing. WHOOOO!

Katharine McPhee – Black Horse And A Cherry Tree

Smart choice by Katharine. I loved this vocal from her a while back, it was unfortunate that the last time she did it it was paired with Against All Odds (YUCK), but I love this song. I'm not so sure I love Katharine, but I love KT Tunstall, and this song is so bluesy and refreshing that I'm automatically in love with it. My problems with it? It was the exact same as the first time she did it… and my complaint is that if you are stucked with a "greatest moments" theme, do SOMETHING to add to it. Otherwise you're running on a treadmill: working really hard and getting nowhere.

Kat… it wasn't as good as the first time. Though still quite good, it was like getting marmalade when you wanted strawberry jam. You didn't give me any jam. And, damn it, I like my jam. So… next time. Jam…. bitch.

I heard a rumor that KT didn't like Katharine's rendition of this song… and in all fairness, it is KT's song to critique…. but, she also signed it away to be used on American Idol… douche. Poor Katharine. She doesn't need to deal with comments from crazy KT. KT's just mad that KAT get's a vowel in her name to make it an actual name.

Anyway, on to Taylor…

Taylor Hicks – Living For The City

If you remember from my Top 12 review, I absolutely love this song on Taylor. And, he gets the crowd going, just like Katharine did… which is awesome. The choice of song? Brilliant. The choice of night wear? ….Well… let's just say we all know who Liberaci would have voted for…

Anywho, the song! was! great! Better than Katharines! Why? Well, because he EFFIN CHANGED IT UP! It wasn't the carbon copy of the last time he did. And this was a smarter choice because he sang it around eleven weeks ago, when a lot of people hadn't started watching, so, therefore, it sounded like a new song.

Good for you, Taylor. Now take off the damn jacket before I rip my eyes out. I feel like JPL and Taylor would have a ball with "Pimpin Velvet Jacket Night Before We Go Out On The Town To Hook Up With Women Who Will Never Get Near Us Because Of Our Sexually Ambigous Attire" Douche.

Round 1 goes to…… TAYLOR HICKS!!!

Round 2: The Round of Laziness

Here we go… let's slow it down dogs and dogettes for a pimpin good time with Kat and Tay. Somebody put on Air Supply and let's sway together like mad, while waving our hands in the air as if we might not truly be afflicted by one's opinion on a certain subject.

Ahem… here we go!

Katharine McPhee – Somewhere Over The RainbWHAT?!

You gotta be shittin me… WE JUST HEARD THIS SONG! Last week. Why are we hearing it again? Yes, it was amazing last week. I get it. But it makes no sense. That's like the show on VH1, "The Greatest Week Ever"… I don't care about anything on that show, because it JUST happened… can we stop writing our lives one week at a time people!

The song wasn't even as good as the first time she sang it. I knew that would be a danger. Now, I honestly don't know how much I liked the first one.

A. It was identical.

B. Notes in the end lost some control and the breath wavered created a lack of support and some flat spots. The last time she did it (which was last week you stupid girl) it sounded better. But, now, this is stuck in my memory.

Cool. Thanks a lot, Kat. Ruin my one moment of the season. 

You and I aren't talking right now.

SOMEEEEEEWHEEEERRRE OVVVVERRRR THEEEE RAIIIIIINBOOWWWWWWW IIIII DOOOONNTTT GIIIIIIVE AAAAAA DAAAAAAMMNNN, BEEECAUSE III SANG THIS SONG LAST WEEK AND I COULDNT CHOOSE ANNNNNYTHING ELLLLLSEEEE!!!!!

*applause* Thank you, thank you.

Taylor Hicks – Levon

Okay, now we're talking. A smart choice. The very FIRST song he did on AI, a potential moment for him. I'm excited. I'm still excited. I'm less excited…oo…now I'm more excited… and it's over.

Taylor, I liked the changes to the song, but the beginning was slightly phoned in was it not? It's hard to mess with the song, but last time you did it you put your life into it because it was the first time you were given to America.

This time. I don't really care to hear it again. 

Smart choice. Great song chances. I wanted a little bit more passion. I don't really have anything else to say.

This round was pretty clear in my mind.

And Round 2 goes to….. KATHARINE MCPHEE!!!

Round 3: The Round Of Songs We Wish Were Never Written Because They Display To Us Everything That Is Wrong In The Music Industry

Katharine McPhee – My Destiny

For the love of god and everything holy; stop singing. Right now. Say screw you to American Idol and run out that door. This song is bad. It's not just bad. It's awful. Of course, I was expecting this, it's the cheesy AI song we always have.

But, some of the fault DOES lie on you, princess. I realize it's crap… but, you know what? Early man had crap too… and he built straw huts using the crap as a fast drying adhesive.

So, where's the hut, McPhee? The song is bad, but you're not. Tell them to change the key, slow it down here, or do it yourself by changing your phrasing and accentuate different notes. Sing the harmony. Anything but this!

Oh, and the key change is a perfect example to all of Kat's fans why people claim Kat gets shrieky. There it is. Listen to it. And then I'll listen to it, and go kill myself.

Taylor Hicks – Do I Make You Proud

Okay. Well. That was a better song than I was expecting for Taylor. It was just as cheesy as Kat's, but, well, with better cheese. This is a perfect example of what I stated above… Taylor pushed this song to its limits in order to make it turn from bad to mediocre, while Kat just ran with it.

Some parts of this song were actually quite impressive. A few problems, a great wavering glory note, and, well, there you have it.

The last song of the competition is gone.

And Round 3 goes to…. TAYLOR HICKS!!!

Wait a minute! What's this! A surprise contestant. His name is Daniel Powter.

Daniel Powter – Bad Day

Hmm… this is actually surprisingly good… but, I feel like I've heard this song before… Well, this guy sings with a lot of passion, it's almost like he wrote the song. This was brilliant. HOME RUN WITH THIS SONG! Wow. Good times…

Let me get my tongue out of my cheek… yep, all set, here we go…

Who should win?

Taylor/Katharine (It's really all up to preference, isn't it now?)

Who will win?

Daniel Powter

~NGH 

Man, I've been waiting a long time to use this title. I love John Ritter. Poor, poor man.  So, it's Tuesday night, or depending who you are, E-Day, Kayday or Tayday! And if you use any of those anonyms, I fully endorse getting a life.

I kid because I love. And because it's kinda my schtick for my reviews.

Sigh. Here we go. Well, tonight we get THREE different songs, and again, my "set" comment comes into play. For those of you who are first time readers, I have the belief that it is more important to create a great set of songs in order to have a great night instead of dedicating too much time to one song.

So, Clive Davis picks a round of songs tonight, but unfortunately he isn't judging. So, that means we have a WHOLE season without a guest judge. Shocker. P.S. – Hey Clive Baby, don't wear the crushed blue velvet sweat suit, yo. Not only is it gross, but, well it looks like you're the Ed Gein of Smurfs.

Hands off Smurfette.

So, tonight is hard. Umm, here's the thing. Three choices. Only ONE picked by the contestant; so it's hard to find fault in the song choices. In my opinion, Clive COMPLETELY dropped the ball on his song choices by picking two songs that have been so overdone and one that was only famous for two reasons: 1. It was a poppy 80s hit with a man in tight jeans singing about sex and 2. It made Courtney Cox a star.

So, I pretty much hated round one.

Round Two was interesting and probably the best for all three of them.

Round Three was the one that made or broke them.

So, let's start the night. Ryan looks slick and the music is blaring.

Now, I had to listen to each performance three different times on my headphones in order to really get the ranking right tonight because of the stupid band. Again tonight, in my rankings, the person who had the best performance did not rank as number one! Read on to find out why! 

P.S. – The band was too loud half the time tonight.

Here we go!

"Three's Company, Too"

3. Elliott Yamin – Elliott comes out first with "Open Arms" for Clive Davis who is gaga over. Really, Elliott, quite a man crush, neh? Umm… stupid hat also. What's with that hat? Anyway, to begin with, Open Arms is not a rock song. So, further proof that Clive Davis is on drugs. Hard ones. Like black tar heroin. So, after Clive tells Elliott to go out and "kill them"…yikes. Elliott comes out and… well… it's okay. I mean, I'm not falling asleep but it looks like Elliott might want to…meh. Well, it's over. Paula says he is IN "Excellent Voice"… Is that that cool new club downtown? Paula so has an IN at that club. Awesome for Elliott. Anyway, the night pretty much goes like this… two more times. Elliott's performances sound good enough, but they are uninspired, and not fitting to his true talent. "What You Won't Do For Love" is a great song choice, but again, meh. And "I Believe To My Soul" was his best tonight. But again, Elliott seemed like he was outfought. I feel like Elliott came out fighting so hard last week just to get to tonight that he might have overdone it. He looked tired, worn out, and a tad uninspired. I think he really wants to win this thing but, unfortunately, he's been burning candles at both ends. We'll see tomorrow. NOT SAFE

2. Katharine McPhee – *blows nose and sticks it on Katharine's forehead* That's for you. Snotty. Let me tell you something I don't care for. Snotty behavior. Yeah, I realize you didn't pick the song. I don't really give a damn. I do know that you have the honor of being on such a monumental television show that displays your talent to millions and yet you can't keep your complaints to yourself. Let them say what they're going to say and you smile and nod. That's how you show respect. Excuses don't fly. Oh, and the looks. Stop those. And of course they're hard on you. You haven't been very good lately. Sure, that changed tonight, but come on! You're becoming the next Paula Abdul. Next thing we know Taylor is going to accuse you of coming onto him with inappropriate behavior. For shame! "I Believe I Can Fly" was awful. Shrilly. STOP SCREAMING AT ME! Listen, we have enough of this on the radio. I know it wasn't your choice. But it could have been more subtle. Now, to me, "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" was heaven. Best song of the night. So, why aren't you on my number one spot? Because… this show is all about condensing your songs into an arrangement you can still impress with. That song ran over TWO AND A HALF MINUTES. It had time to build, to go places, it didn't need to be rushed. It was beautiful, yeah, it was, but unfair to the other contestants. There was great connection. Almost a mix of Bo and Fantasia's big time songs, and when she doesn't go overboard, it's fantastic. A bit too broadway, but that's just the song. Good pick by Simon. And I actually think the next song was slightly better in performance, "I Ain't Got Nothing But The Blues" is silly because it's not true. I doubt you have the blues, goofball. And "ain't" isn't proper english. Not your fault. Still fun and charismatic. A good night for Kat. Just stop wearing go-go boots. NOT SAFE

1. Taylor Hicks – A great night for Taylor. Let me tell you why I thought Taylor had the best first round with "Dancing In The Dark". I was rolling with laughter during it because it showed to me Taylor knew a little music history, as he pulled Paula out onto the dance platform to be his faux-Courtney Cox. Maybe now Paula will actually get famous! Fun! Even more fun? The GUN MOVE. Watch for it. It's hilarious and awesome at the same time. So, what Katharine needed two and a half minutes to do, Taylor squeezed out in about a minute and fifty seconds with "You Are So Beautiful" which was very beautiful and to me had the same quality as Kat's previous song, but with more connection and a less cheesy backstory for the song. The look on Taylor's face? It's called emoting. The song is not a happy song. Go research it. It's a tale of heartbreak. And you could see that in his face. A song set in a minor tone should tell you that. A great, tender moment. "Try A Little Tenderness" was all that and a bag of potato chips. It was unbridled and to me that shows he is ready to go out as an artist and make his name. The band was far too loud, but it was great. A little less than I expected, to be perfectly honest, but I think on the basis of this fact I gave him the highest rank: American Idol is not about simply being the best singer, but the best performer and all around entertainer. That's a quote from Simon from season ONE. Maybe we need this year to remind us it's not the voice that makes the music into magic, but the person behind the voice that creates the magic. NOT SAFE

Who should go?

Elliott Yamin

Who will go?

Elliott Yamin

~NGH 

Okay. It's Elvis week.

And I am disheartened by the comments on the web. Let me explain something about Elvis and it's music.

Now, my award of the week is the "Fanbase I Hate The Most Right Now" goes to the Kat fans. Because, honestly… this week has been hell reading some of these posts. BUT, not all Kat fans are like this, and in fact, every fan base has pissed me off one week or the other. Meh.

So, let's start a new segment called "In Defense Of"

In Defense Of – Taylor Hicks – IT'S JAILHOUSE ROCK!!! OF COURSE IT'S GONNA BE CRAZY; go watch the Elvis video. Taylor was TAMER than Elvis. Did Simon just say it's Karaoke?! OF COURSE IT IS. American's have been singing Elvis's hits forever. Karaoke isn't a viable excuse for tonight. Because while Elvis is the King of Rock, he is also the King of Karaoke hits. Stupid.

In Defense Of – Chris Daughtry – As much as I don't think Chris was at the top of his game tonight; he had the low Elvis purr. And it was very nice.

In Defense Of – Elliott Yamin – Umm….? He got rave reviews twice tonight… no one should complain about Elliott. But people will. Idiots.

In Defense Of - Katharine McPhee – She got kind of a bum wrap tonight. Unfortunately, it's really hard for someone like Katharine to sing Elvis. She came in at a disadvantage; sorry if I seem harsh on her. Still gotta love her voice right? Fantastic. But, one of my favorite conundrums of tonight's ramblings on the forums is that Kat fans HATED Jailhouse Rock and then LOVED Hound Dog/All Shook Up………………WHAT? They were both karaoke, over played, AND MANIC.

So, in conclusion, Elvis is MANIC. Deal with it.

Last week was the Scott Savol week, and this week is the JPL week. Cool.

Another funny point. I preferred JPL's version for both Jailhouse Rock and A Little Less Conversation. And that's saying a lot. Also, tonight's first and second rankings were hard. While I think the person I named as number one tonight deserves his position, he DID NOT, in my opinion, have the performance of the night. That goes to the runner up.

Here we go:

"Thank you. Thank you very much"

4. Katharine McPhee – Oh man, I'm going to get reamed by the Kat fans. As peeeer usssssual. I love her, I do. She's my favorite female. But, unfortunately, TONIGHT, wasn't her night. No matter what happens. First song, WHAT? Listen, on American Idol you get a MINUTE AND A HALF to sing as it is… and you try to make a mini-medley and fit a second song in there? Yes. The two songs are similar congratulations. So does Greenday's Lonely Road and Aerosmith's Dream On, but that doesn't mean they go together. Listen an apple and an onion are about the same shape and size, but don't take a bite out of an apple and then follow that with an onion. Because that's just stupid. And if you do that, do me and the world a favor and throw yourself off the nearest bridge. So, "Hound Dog/All Shook Up", ugh, I hate the slash, was a disaster. It was fun, sure, but it was confusing, manic, and she was out of breath a good portion of the time. She needs to take lessons from Hicks on moving. Now, the second song, "Can't Help Falling In Love" was how I felt watching her. She was very charismatic and sang a very pretty version of the song. Unfortunately, that is all it was or could be. It's hard for a female to sing Elvis. That's my opinion. He was such a sex symbol of testerone origin. Sigh. Yes, it was a little over the top with some of the runs. But, otherwise, a good job. Unfortunately, not good enough, she finishes last on my review. Good luck to her. NOT SAFE

3. Chris Daughtry – So. Chris this week, to me, besides channeling the low purr of the Elvis voice, was the definition of "MEH". This was a weak set arrangement, mainly because I felt like he wasn't even trying. But, "Suspicious Minds" was beautiful. A great song, and a great fit, but I would have done it last, because "A Little Less Conversation" was exactly how I wanted to talk about it. Not so much. It didn't leave me wanting more. Both songs were stagnant, monotonous, and didn't really go anywhere. There wasn't a lot of strength and breath support. Two things I hated about Chris tonight? Sunglasses. It's not sunny in the building. I get it. You're playing with the theme; and it's cool. But, you also look goofy. So stop it. And my second hated point? WHAT WAS WITH THE RAPTOR SCREAMS AT THE END OF HIS SECOND SONG? It looked like Chris was trying to get a bad taste out of his mouth or cough up a hair ball. No me gusta, no me gusta indeed. Vocals were on track and the choices were good. The problem was he never brought it home. SAFE

2. Taylor Hicks – This was tough for me… because I thought "In The Ghetto" was the best of the night. But, unfortunately, his first song, lowered his score incredibly. First of all, yes, it was Karaoke. But… it's Elvis. It's famous Elvis. And it was done very well. The problem? Awful song choice. The song doesn't build, it doesn't go anywhere. Same thing as Katharine. Why is Taylor's better? Breath support! At least Taylor wasn't coming unhinged. His ear plugs are out! Now, "Jailhouse Rock" was meh, but the second choice was fantastic. Absolutely brilliant. There was connection and it was a brave choice that he slightly gave a taste of Taylor. Very soulful changes and people were eating it up. Even Simon. You know what I've noticed? People hate giving this man credit? Why? I don't care if he's not your thing. I give everyone credit, and try to speak fairly, but when people talk about Taylor, it's brutal. It's very interesting. But, interestingly enough, this was supposed to be Taylor's night. And it was. But, guess who else shared in his glory? NOT SAFE

1. Elliott Yamin – I'm loving the fact that so many people were worried for the underdog. Worry no more. With two great performances, the only one to have two great performances, Elliott takes the cake with the best night on Idol. But, NOT the best performance of the night. I gave that to Taylor. Elliott came out fighting. He was like a vicious squirrell that was tired of being pelted with acorns, so he came out with his teeth bared…and cute little squirrell noises. Good for him. I'm rooting for him tonight, and I hope the Yaminions (God, that name is stupid) are voting their butts off. Good show, ole chap, good show! NOT SAFE

Who should leave?

Katharine McPhee

Who will leave?

Katharine McPhee

~NGH

Two songs per night! Two songs per night! I'm so effin excited! WOOOOOOOO!!! Magrathea! It's Magrathea!!!!!! Here come the giant blue Olympians with microphones! Hell yes!!!!! It's Tuesday, bitches. It's Tuesday. Get with it.

Tonight! A song from the seventies or eighties and a song from the charts! Hot damn. Tonight is a night where different frontrunners will emerge. Why?

TWO SONGS PER EFFIN NIGHT!!!

That equals less preparation time and more strain on the contestants voice. Instead of picking a song; you pick a set. Now, a set in the music world needs to flow together. It's not good enough just to pick two good songs; the songs need to groove with one another or else you are COMPLETELY disjointed. Performers need to be able to differentiate how much focus each song needs during rehearsal, or else one song will sound GREAT and the other, awful. So, let's separate the professionals from the…uhh…amateurs? Yeah. Amateurs.

So, uggh, I'm tired. Moving into my new apartment this weekend and I'm a little sore. But, big news, this is my new home! THIS NEW BLOG! Comment as much as you like, but keep in mind I am a sarcastic ass and will make fun over you without relent. Which, as some people call it, is "relentlessly". Awesome.

Oh, also. I'm a BIG Superman fan. So, I encourage you to go check out the brand new trailer for the brand new movie. If you're like me you will wet your bed. Rock on.

Now, before I begin. I've been reading the boards like Whitney Houston with a coke habit; and I gotta tell you… sad. I think we need to have a friendly talk about "bias" and playing nice with others. Do we? We do.

"Bias" means you are too sensitive and partial to have an objective eye on performances. But, where does truth lie in opinion?

AT MY BLOG!

Here's an example I see ALL THE TIME: When someone tells me in "their opinion" that dancing makes Taylor Hicks a joke… that is not an honest opinion. That's bias. And stupid. That is ineptitude. Look it up. The world is full of performance styles.

Music is art. Every interpretation. So, in conclusion, ahem… shut the fuck up. Or I will drop kick you and then high kick you in your face. Jerks.

Sorry for the language. But, this blog is UNRATED. *Naked girls run around squealing*

I've been serious; now let's be goofy.

"Let's Separate The Men From The Boys"

 5. Paris Bennett - Umm. Read above. That rant about a "set" of music. Apply it to Ms. Bennett. While Paris has a practically flawless voice, I DO NOT know who she is as a performer. What's she really about? WHO IS SHE?! Paris' taste is so eclectic she makes Weird Al look like a dedicated pop singer. We go from Bette one night to Prince and Mary J? Really? At least with the others I have a sense of what's going to be in their album. Unfortunately, this is Paris' only weakness. But, it's a big one. The voice is there, but the experience lacks. We all know that so let's admit it to ourselves. She can "Kiss" the crown good-bye in my opinion. And, so sad, we will "Be Without You" next Tuesday night. NOT SAFE

4. Elliott Yamin - I'm sorry. I really struggled to put Elliott here. While I believe that both performances were averaged to this spot, I think Katharine's first song was worse than both of his. But, alas, here we are. Rounding out the bottom two. Elliott seemed a little tentative singing "On Broadway". It was a decent choice, but he could have done with a better uptempo to compliment his set. I think he is getting the basic idea of what he SHOULD have done, but unfortunately it didn't quite click tonight. Vocals were spot on. But, let's be honest, everyone at this point in the competition is incredible. But, again, the night is interesting. Because while the first song was "meh" to me, I think Elliott hit a home run, well maybe just a triple, with his second song. Beautiful, composed, confident, and compassionate. Let's hope he isn't jinxed, because I definitely don't want him to go "Home". I don't care if you're just so far from where I am, Elliott, don't come back home. Not yet. NOT SAFE

3. Katharine McPhee – Hey. Katharine on her knees. It IS my dream. First of all… "Against All Odds" = Yuck with a side of gross. EVERYTHING about the performance had a significant yikes factor. (FYI: The "Yikes Factor" is a scientific equation which determines the amount of yikes present in all surrounding spaces in order to create a valued analysis of WHY THE HELL KATHARINE SOUNDED LIKE A DRUNK CHIMPANZEE!!!!?) I blame the key. Wrong key for her. Now, while Katharine certainly had a varied set, we can clearly see she spent a hell of a lot more time on "Blackhorse And A Cherry Tree" which was incredible. The performance was original, the voice was great, there was a point where her rasp and vibratto even matched Chris. Hell, I tried to crank the volume up during it, but I couldn't, because I had stabbed my eyes out earlier in the show watching her tackle Phil Collins. Hey, that sounds like a reality show. TACKLE PHIL COLLINS, TOMORROW ON FOX, 8/7 CENTRAL. Bravo on that performance. It ALMOST made me forget about the other one. Almost. NOT SAFE

2. Chris Daughtry - The next two performers were the ONLY two who handled the jump to two songs a week. While I think Chris shouldn't have "rocked out" twice. It definitely worked, because we as an American Idol audience, know that is who Chris is. So, Chris comes out to sing "Renegade"… and apparently he is a Jedi Knight in his all black combination with a lightsaber hook up attached to his belt. What IS that thing? *shakes head confused* Now, I know a lot of people thought his first song was the better of the two. Here's a shock: I don't. "I Dare You" to tell me that the first song was more vocally challenging. Because I listened to his final selection as was madly impressed. Listen, I used to be in a few hardcore screaming rock bands, and it takes a hell of a lot to do what Chris did for his second song. A SMART modern choice. But, again, while I was floored because of the talent, I think America will take the second song as a punch to the gut because it was that hardcore. Be careful, Chris, the more hardcore you get… the less on-the-fence voters come to you. Try balancing your set a little bit more. Just try it. I dare you. SAFE

1. Taylor Hicks - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love reading the boards and seeing this complaint: Taylor singing "Something" was CHEATING! What a cop out! I actually saw a big Chris supporter saying this and I copied it into my scrapbook and labelled it "IRONY". *COUGH* Higher Ground *COUGH* I Walk The Line. Taylor Hicks, the man abused be the producers recently, came out with the Taylor Show, and stuck it to the Producers by choosing a song from the charts that was released probably close to thirty years ago. HILARIOUS. So, welcome to the show. This is the ONLY contestant tonight who thought about the perfect set. When you have two songs, you do this: You pick a fun, upbeat, easily familiar, catchy, sing-a-long that is sure to have America on it's feet having a blast…. and then, you close with a soft, tender, EMOTIONAL song that will have people in tears. You bring them through EVERY spectrum of emotion. Kudos, Taylor. Kudos. He gave us everything tonight. Funny clothes, Stage Prescence (Please, who doesn't like the whole Paul Townsend (The Who) fall onto the stage and getting on the knees), and he even managed to please himself as a performer. Big step up from last week. "Something" clicked. And it was magical. SAFE

Who should leave?

Paris Bennett

Who will leave?

Paris Bennett

~NGH

Hey there, gang.

Back again! But, now, with an official home for The NGH Report and the rest of my American Idol musings; not to mention a kickin' awesome place to get high kicks delivered to the home of the mouth, nose, and eyes… That's right, the friggin face.

 Rocking sweet time. I encourage you all to flock here and have some fun with me. Post comments and make fun of each other. Because you know I'll be making fun of you… and me. But, hopefully, mostly you.

 4. The "Aww…That Person's Not As Bad As We Thought" Threads – There is usually one contestant EVERYONE hates, and the longer this person stays in the show, the more violent and disturbing comments get about how AWFUL this person is, and how FAKE and this person isn't even human, but more likely, is a MONSTER. And then… once they're voted off… AWWWW, they're actually really sweet! I feel bad for saying that I think she should lose her head in a not so tragic accident involving a weed whacker… *fake boohoo* 

 3. The "Official Fan Threads of Contestants WHO NEVER MADE IT TO THE FINALS" Threads – Why is the Will/Gedeon/Ayla/EVERYONE who got voted off before the Top 12 constantly on the front page of Forums? It's a living reminder of disappointment? How sad do you feel when the only remnant of your favorite is 300 posts on how if Will Makar had ONLY WORN A BRIGHTER SHIRT HE WOULD HAVE MADE IT!!! Or, well, Ayla is doing JUUUUUST fine without the show. The season hasn't ended yet! Do we need constant reminders of what Gedeon has been doing for the past couple of weeks?

 2. The "Who Would be the CUTEST Couple" Threads – Uggggggh. No effin way. Really? Do you really want to know who Chris would make the cutest couple with? HIS WIFE. All this thread does is promote the fact that maybe Taylor isn't as good looking as Ace. And, I hope you all feel bad when you realize that the only people EVER right in this forum are the ones who claim that David and Kellie made the cutest couple. Because, it's true. Man… that Dellie combination is dreamy. Ahhhh. That was a sigh; not a scream. Screams come later. And with exclamation marks.

 1. The "I'm SOOOOO FUNNY" Threads – These are threads written by "jokers" out there who love watching American Idol and review it and laugh about it, but all they are really doing is throwing their lame metaphors, comments, and snide remarks into an already clogged forum that could really do without their comments on the funniest and silliest threads in existence; and that my friends, is a reason why were are ALL idiots.

 Till Tuesday,

 NGH